Mother Distracted

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Tuesday, 25 July 2017

Aren't We All Just Looking For A Sign? - The SmartSign.com Blogger Challenge

Procrastinators of the world - and I'm including myself in their number - will do anything to avoid taking action.

In fact, I believe procrastinators are almost wholly responsible for the ever increasing global sales of coffee.


Caitlin's designed a sign specially for me

Got something you have to do?  Better put the kettle on and have a darn good think first.

I've lost count of the number of tender documents, presentations, powerpoint slides (the very axis of evil) and marketing projects which have been started and then lapsed into the ether like an X Factor winner.

Now this is understandable and possibly excusable in a work situation but when you're a parent the opportunity cost of all that time you waste is huge - and hugely expensive.

Oh, not in terms of money but in terms of watching your little 'uns grow, develop, learn and explore the world while you faff about with post-it notes and hunt for a pink highlighter to mark up your latest content planner.

It's the summer holidays and even as I sit here typing I am listening to Caitlin and Ieuan playing some (mildly destructive) game downstairs.  There is much laughing and giggling and it is always fascinating to observe the relationship between siblings in which we mothers play no part.

Sometimes, in the absence of parental attention, Caitlin and Ieuan are their own world - mysterious, capricious and never still.

Almost on a daily basis I tell myself I will get myself organised and prioritise family time.  I will take them to one of the places on the ever-growing family bucket list.

I'm stopped by a lack of energy and, if I'm honest, a lack of confidence.  How, at 53 years old, the thought of taking the kids an hour and a half away to somewhere like Clearwell Caves, or Dan yr Ogof (I'm big on caves at the moment), can fill me with dread I'm not sure.

Perhaps it's some peri-menopausal, hormonal backlash or too many carbs. Whatever.

I'm sure many of us wish that something, somewhere would give us the impetus to get our priorities straight, to finally work out how to balance our own needs with the needs of our children.

You can blame your work ethic, modern life, the Tories, Brexit, Donald Trump or your addiction to social media (why did nobody warn you?).

But aren't we all just looking for a sign?

It doesn't really matter what it says.  We all just need an existential prod from above - whether that's our god or guardian angel or even the nagging of our own parents.

The problem is life continues while we keep searching for this sign.  Sometimes life takes matters into its own hands - an accident, a health scare, redundancy.  Like a bolt out of the blue, our ability to choose to prioritise our time is gone in an instant.

So here's my sign.

It's short, to the point and needs to be placed on the bathroom mirror, on the kitchen wall, on the toilet door and plastered large as a screen-saver on all my gadgets.

It can be any colour, any size, any shape but this is all it needs to say.

THIS IS THE SIGN YOU ARE LOOKING FOR.

 “This post is an entry into the #MyCustomSign www.smartsign.com blogger challenge”
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Travel In Comfort With The Tempur® Travel Pillow

If you do a lot of travelling, it's fair to say you will be familiar with two things, a stiff neck and shoulders and a lack of sleep.

I don't know about you but I am always loathe to leave my own bed and, no matter, how comfortable my travel accommodation, extremely glad to see it again.

Aircraft engine viewed out of airplane window high above the clouds

Now Tempur®, the only NASA certified mattress retailer, has come up with a way to take a little bit of home comfort with you when you travel such as this travel pillow.

There's a range of travel pillows such as the Tempur Transit Pillow which gently supports your head and neck, allowing you to sleep more comfortably when travelling.  It has a temperature sensitive, visco-elastic filling which forms to you with minimum counter pressure to help you relax.

Or the Tempur Comfort Travel Pillow which I was sent to try.  This is the mini version of Tempur's original Comfort Pillow and I can see that it will have far more uses than just a travel pillow.  If you suffer with a bad back, as I do, it's often useful to have extra support in the small of the back and this fits just right.

It's beautifully soft and comes with a removable soft fabric cover which can be washed at 60 degrees C and meets the Oeko-tex 100 standard which means that it has been tested for harmful substances and poses no threat to health.
Tempur Comfort Travel Pillow and Sleep Mask
I was also sent a Tempur Sleep Mask which is soft as butter, forms to your face and effectively blocks out the light.  It's easy to fit - simply adjust the velcro straps behind your head. With this and my trusty earplugs I'm away with the fairies in no time.

If you are planning to travel this summer, particularly with the kids, then here are some tips you might find useful - as road-tested by the Hobbis family.

1. Use black out blinds for the kids.  You can find portable ones that just attach to the window with sucker-pads.

2. Don't be afraid to nap - use the power of the siesta.  In any case we should all be staying out of the sun between 12 pm and 3 pm.

3. Make sure you take the kids' favourite comforters - but don't lose them.  We once had to trek across what seemed like half of Cornwall because Ieuan left 'blankie' in Tescos in Truro.

4 If it's hot you might find it cooler to stay in cotton pyjamas as the cotton will wick away any sweat.

5. You can find lots of tips to help your kids sleep in hot weather in this post.

5. Avoid alcohol and high sugar / high salt foods.

6. Avoid eating too close to sleeping.  A light supper is fine - a three course meal, not so much.

7. Stock up on bottled water but get it free at airports. A trick I read recently from moneysaving expert Martin Lewis is to take an empty water bottle through to the departure lounge and fill up with free water from one of the airport water fountains.

8. Carry the kids' pyjamas in your hand luggage so you don't have to route through suitcases to find their things. If nothing else we make sure we've got the kids' toothbrushes to hand

9. To avoid jet lag you might be better off staying up until the 'normal' bedtime in your new location to allow your body clock to reset

10 Ear plugs, eye masks and travel pillows are your friend. A decent travel pillow will help support your neck while you travel and add a comforting touch to your hotel bed.Caitlin testing the Tempur Comfort Travel Pillow & Eye Mask

In his book "The Fitness Mindset", health expert and author Brian Keane in his book gives some very helpful advice about improving the quality of our sleep.

In a study by the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention, an estimated one in three adults does not obtain the recommended hours of sleep and, according to the NHS, not sleeping enough can lead to immune system problems, weight gain and mood disorders in extreme cases. Add in the extra stress of travelling and you've a recipe for less than glowing health!

Brian has two very useful tips for improving your sleep and falling asleep properly.

Firstly he suggests avoiding the “second wind". This is a window from 10:45 PM to 11:00 PM when most people get naturally tired.

If you don’t go to sleep, you’ll get a cortisol (a steroid hormone) driven ‘second wind’ that can keep you awake until 2:00 AM or 3:00 AM. “If you can stick close to your body's circadian cycle and get to bed before 11:00 PM, you will wake up feeling more rested than if you get the same amount of sleep starting later.

Obviously easier said than done in a different time zone but if you know when you are likely to feel tired you can at least adapt and do something to boost yourself and stave off fatigue.

Secondly switch off your brain.  Journalling, meditation or even just some deep breathing may help. Perhaps you could carry a little travel journal to record your thoughts or write a list of things you are grateful for  (being seated together on an EasyJet flight?  no airport delays?)!

Travelling, whilst exhilirating, is often stressful and with some careful planning and understanding the needs of your body, you can do a lot to improve the quality of your sleep and rest, even when you're thousands of miles from home.

If you would like to try a Tempur travel pillow, why not take the Tempur Challenge which is running from now until 7th August.  Simply visit your local store, test a Tempur mattress and share your experience with Tempur.  Once you've registered your details, Tempur will email you with a date (21 days in advance) to revisit the store and claim your FREE pillow.  You can find out more about the Tempur Challenge here.

You can also find about more about Tempur on Facebook and Instagram.

This post is in conjunction with Tempur® but all thoughts are my own.
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Sunday, 23 July 2017

Sanctuary Spa Wet Skin Moisture Miracle - Now There's NO Excuse Not To Moisturize

On my wedding day back in 2011 I remember being completely phased by a question I was asked by my make-up lady as she put the finishing touches to my hair and make-up.

It was this:  "you do moisturise your arms, don't you"?  

Sanctuary Spa Wet Skin Moisture Miracle

Well, actually no and like many time poor mums I suspect loads of us neglect our bods to a probably shameful degree.

Whilst I love the luxury of a wonderfully scented body cream, I just can't get enough time in the bathroom for the full on beauty ritual I used to enjoy in my single days.

You can bet as soon as I sink into the soothing warm bath water or dunk my head beneath the steaming shower that a battle will ensue downstairs (this afternoon it was over ownership of a highlighter) or I will hear the plaintive cry of one of my offspring bellowing "muuuuuum, where ARE you?".  And this even if I tell them I'm off for a bath.

In fact, a recent survey of 2360 women by Sanctuary Spa discovered that 65% of women don ’t moisturise every day and of these almost half are ‘too busy’ or so stretched they ‘forget’ to do it. Anyone with kids will definitely identify with that.

To help solve this problem, they have created a new body product called Sanctuary Spa Wet Skin Moisture Miracle and it's pretty unique because you apply it whilst your skin is still wet and before you towel yourself dry.  Just turn the shower off (or get out of the bath), apply, massage in to damp skin, towel dry and off you go.

Because you're moisturising whilst your skin is already damp, you can not only lock in double the moisture but get ready in double quick time.

Sanctuary Spa Wet Skin Moisture Miracle
It's a light moisturizer which is absorbed in a trice
I have to admit I was a little dubious but it really does work and leaves the skin lovely and soft.  It smells absolutely gorgeous and has a slightly sweeter fragrance than some of the other Sanctuary products which I have sometimes found a little too herbal in aroma.  

There is now no excuse whatsoever to not moisturise the old bod because with a tube of this by the side of the bath, what was previously (if I'm honest) a bit of a chore can be done in a minute or so.

Sanctuary Spa Wet Skin Moisture Miracle usually retails at £8 but from now until 1st August 2017 you can try it at the introductory price of only £5. 


You can find out more on Sanctuary Spa's social channels at Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

Or at Boots on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

So yes, now I DO moisturise my arms.

*collaborative post
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Saturday, 22 July 2017

5 Surprising Burglary Statistics And Safety Tips

In summer, when the weather is fine, it's so easy to be more relaxed about ensuring windows and doors are locked.  Near us, people have been burgled when having a barbecue in their back garden because they left their front door open.  It only takes minutes for some crafty crooks to relieve you of your property.

This guest post, from SimpliSafe who produce wireless home security systems, is a great reminder that, come the warmer weather, we need to be more, not less vigilant.

Two front doors in pastel pink in adjoining houses on a terraced street

A burglary is committed every thirteen seconds according to SimpliSafe, but only 12% of those are pre-planned. According to the British Crime Survey, there are over 1 million burglaries and attempted burglaries each year. However, our technological era makes it easier than ever to outsmart today’s burglars. In order to keep yourself and your family safe, it’s important to take a closer look at the statistics, such as what motivates burglars and how they operate, along with how burglaries are classified in the first place.

Let’s begin by breaking down what constitutes a burglary. According to the Theft Act of 1968, burglary is defined as:

"Entering any building or part of a building as a trespasser and with the intent to steal anything in the building or part of the building in question and/or inflict or attempt to inflict bodily harm on anyone therein. As long as the person entering has no legal right to be present in the structure a burglary has occurred. Furthermore, the structure need not be the house itself for a burglary to take place; illegal entry of a garage, shed, or any other structure on the premises also constitutes household burglary."

Burglary is also broken down into the following four subcategories:

Completed burglary - With or without force, a person without legal right to be present enters a residence.

Forcible entry - Some kind of force, like breaking a window, is used to gain entry to a residence.

Unlawful entry without force - The burglar doesn’t use force to gain entry.

Attempted forcible entry - The burglar attempts to gain entry with force.

Now that we understand what burglary is and its types, let’s take a look at the data, along with what that data suggests are the best preventative safety solutions.

1. Half of Domestic Burglars Know the Victim Personally

Half of domestic burglars are strangers, but the other half are known by the victim. Those familiar to the victim use their knowledge of the home and its surroundings to break in when it is vulnerable, such as when the homeowner is away.

Safety Tip: Share your spare keys and home codes only with those that have earned your trust. Aim to avoid sharing information about you being away from your home on social media. Those following your social media accounts may just be waiting to find out when you’ll be away from your home.

2. 60% of Convicted Burglars Were Deterred By Security Systems

Whether you’re on vacation or not, peace of mind is priceless, and is something security systems designed for today’s threats can provide. Home security is anything but an antiquated protection measure; according to Police.uk, households with simple security measures are five times less likely to be broken into than those without.

Safety Tip: Invest in a technologically-advanced system with comprehensive features that go beyond burglary detection and that include multiple sensors such as motion detection.

3. 72% of Burglars Use Open Windows or Doors, or Force Them Open

Summertime also means that many households are leaving windows open for fresh air flow. that Vulnerable windows and doors are the preferred entry methods. In fact, 15% of burglars get into the household by simply walking through an unlocked door.

Safety Tip: Be mindful of keeping doors and windows shut, locked, and alarmed when you’re away. It’s also a good idea to do some summer landscaping to keep shrubs and trees short, making it difficult for intruders to hide out on your property.

4. Only About Half of Victims Had Their Stolen Property Insured

The property stolen the most are mobile phones (43%), wallets (38%), and cash (37%). And roughly 65% of burglars who stole these items worked to get rid of them immediately.

Safety Tip: On top of making sure burglary is covered in your homeowner’s or renter’s insurance plan (you can often score a discount when you prove you have professional monitoring in place), it’s also not a bad idea to look into modern day options for safes, such as ones that look like other household objects. You should also make sure to turn GPS tracking on your phones and computers to help recover items if they do happen to get stolen.

5. The Number of Domestic Burglaries is Continually Dropping

When compared with 2005 data, the number of burglaries in 2015 has decreased by 35%. This continual decrease is arguably thanks in part to advancing technology that both residents and law enforcement are able to take advantage of; homes are getting smarter, and that includes the modern security systems that people have to choose from. 

We’re getting better at fighting and preventing this desperate crime, but it’s because of the minor investments worth making toward your peace of mind, which is priceless.
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Friday, 21 July 2017

Buying a New Car May Be Your Best Option – If You’re Smart About It

If you are in the market for a car, one of the first questions you may have considered is whether to buy a brand-new vehicle or a used one. Although some money saving experts warn against buying a new car, you shouldn’t automatically rule out the possibility. But you do need to take several factors into consideration before making your decision. Doing so could save you a few thousand pounds and a world of aggravation. 

red car

The advantages of buying a new car

Even ignoring the pleasure of owning something new, complete with that new car smell, there are some good reasons to opt for a new car over a used one. For one thing, you can order a new car that meets your specifications exactly, as opposed to accepting whatever features and accessories are present on a used car. 

Some of those features can be very important, such as the use of state-of-the-art technology that allows new cars to give previously unheard-of kilometres per litre of petrol. While some examples of “state-of-the-art” have offered little other than bragging rights and potential failures, other examples have actually made the cars much safer, with improved handling and braking and better occupant survivability in the event of a crash. 

The new car is also less likely to have problems, and the problems it does have will likely be taken care of under warranty or recall so you won’t be faced with a big bill. And since a new car has essentially been un-driven prior to purchase, the likelihood of it having been abused is virtually nil.

One additional advantage of buying new has nothing to do with the car itself but is as important to many drivers as any feature – greater flexibility in financing. The new car will cost significantly more than a similarly-equipped used example of the same make and model, but the purchase price can be spread out over several more years than can the cost of a used car. And there is always the factor of manufacturer or dealer incentives that can shave thousands of pounds off the sticker price.

As long as we’re on the subject of price, this would probably be a good time to touch on some of the things you’ll need to look for when shopping for a new car. You’ll want to have a pretty good idea as to what kind of car would best meet your needs. For example, if you have a large or growing family or frequently need to carry a cargo of any size, a two-seater sports model would not be a very wise choice. And whatever you buy, try to stick with a make and model that has a good history of reliability, and that retains its value reasonably well.

Once you’ve made your mind up about what to buy, it is time to go shopping. Be certain to educate yourself, not only about the car itself but about the ways a dealer can get you to spend more than you really have to. 

black car in traffic

Rule #1: Don’t succumb to the hard sell or up-sell


Car dealerships have gotten a pretty shaky reputation over the years, and while some of the criticisms have been unfair, the suspicion many customers hold did not form in a vacuum. By educating yourself and being prepared, you can still avoid car purchasing horror stories and come out on the winning end of a deal. The first and foremost challenge you will face is recognising and not falling for the hard sell or up-sell.

Quite simply, you can recognise a hard sell whenever a salesperson seems to be pressuring you to make a deal that you’ve not yet decided to make. Some, like the example in the above link, will take even a mildly positive response to a suggestion as a commitment to buy. Thankfully, instances such as this are pretty rare. 

More common is the salesperson who tries to convince you that not making a deal immediately will either make it unavailable or much more expensive in the future. While there are some times, such as shortly before new models come out or near the end of a sales promotion, when you can get better deals than you normally could, the need to do anything immediately should be understood as being nothing but a sales tactic and not taken too seriously.

Unlike the hard sell, the upsell is a pretty standard sales technique that is used by most dealerships, and it goes something like this:

Customer: “I’m looking for a midsize sedan with an efficient engine, automatic transmission, and air conditioning only.”
Salesperson: “I understand what you’re looking for, but once you get accustomed to the satellite radio, backup camera, Wifi, and undercoating, you’ll wonder how you ever did without them. And we can give you the entire package for…”

Despite the salesperson’s claims, the extras you didn’t want will cost you, and there is no guarantee that they will ever be anything more than conversation pieces, Avoid the push, and save your money. And to keep on saving, do your homework on financing your new car.

Smart financing can save you a lot of money


Once you’ve decided to buy a new car, and before you even go to the dealership, take some time and find the best financing options. There are almost as many financing decisions to make as there are regarding the make and model that will best serve you, and neglecting to educate yourself on those options can end up making your new car significantly more expensive.

One of the first questions many people ponder is whether to purchase or lease the car. If your primary concerns are the initial outlay and the size of the monthly payment, leasing can be pretty attractive, since both the deposit and the monthly payments are likely to be significantly lower. And that is fine if you want to replace the car with a new one in a few years, and don’t mind being on a constant payment plan. But if your main concern is minimising the total cost of transportation, taking out a loan and purchasing the car is much less costly in the long run. 

white car

If you are purchasing, you might be tempted to arrange financing at the same dealership where you’re buying your car, especially if they are offering discounts on the sale price or cash-back incentives. Keep in mind, however, that many dealerships make more profit off their financing than they do on the cars they sell, and they don’t make all that profit by giving you the best deal.

To get a better deal on financing, spend a little time researching the different financing options available to you from more than one lender, even if you’ve been a loyal customer at your bank for many years. Different lenders offer different terms, loan sizes, and incentives, because even in a time of tight credit, they are as competitive in their market as the car dealers are in theirs. Compare the terms and costs of your desired loan from multiple lenders, and apply for the one that is right for you.

Not every car buyer needs a brand spanking new car. But if you have decided that a new car is the best choice for you, take care in shopping not only for the right car but also for the best financing option. You will be far less likely to suffer buyer’s remorse, and much more likely to enjoy your purchase long after that heady new-car smell has worn off.
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New Releases, Free & Bargain Books Link-up Week 30 2017

New Releases Free & Bargain Books Link-up Badge

How are you all this week? It's the end of term today so we're bracing ourselves for six weeks of chaos.  And, of course, it's tipping down with rain!  This is probably our fault for buying a new garden umbrella.  Have you noticed that everytime you buy something new for the garden the weather changes?

We're in the middle of home renovations too so the house is in chaos.  We've had to move our bookshelves and it was quite an eye-opener, I can tell you, to discover exactly how many books we've been squirrelling away.

You can never have too many though, can you?  And talking of books, have you caught my recent review of the latest Ivy Nash thriller, Break In, by the irrepressible John W. Mefford?  I honestly don't know how he manages to come up with such engaging and exciting plots every time.

As usual, there are plenty of great books on the linky and don't forget you can always add your own to spread a bit of the book love.

Don't forget that I still have plenty to be won on my competitions page and don't forget my problem page here.

Happy bargain and freebie book hunting on this link.

Have a great week!

Sharing the Love of Books

Enjoy our selection of New Releases / Free & Bargain Books this week

Authors, please feel free to add your own books
Readers, please free to add your own finds
(any genre except erotica welcome)

This weekly link up is hosted by Beck Valley Books & these awesome book loving blogs...

Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Sunday
Lynchburg Mama | LibriAmoriMiei | Ali - The Dragon Slayer | Wondermom Wannabe | Deal Sharing Aunt | Rambling Reviews

For Pre-orders post - PRE-ORDER / genre / title /author
For New Releases post - NEW / genre / title / author
For Free Books post - FREE / genre / title / author / end date
For Bargain Books post - SALE / price / genre / title / author / end date

(Strictly no Erotica please. Steamy romance is fine but watch those covers people, in case any underage child is viewing it!)

Click here for this week's awesome selection!

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Thursday, 20 July 2017

Problem Page Edition 30 2017

This week - should you hug your married friends when you greet them, confessing your love to a work colleague and what to do when he forgets your one year anniversary.

Woman in a bikini lying in the water on the edge of the seashore

If you would like any advice, feel free to treat me as your agony aunt. Just message me or pop a comment in the comment box at the end of this post. I promise to be gentle.

Here are this week's questions.

Q: Whenever I like a guy, I always find out the next day that he has a girlfriend. Should I ignore him and move on?

A: How can you not know if a guy has a girlfriend? Are you meeting these guys when they’re out and about in the evening in clubs and bars?

One of the first questions I’d be asking is “are you seeing anyone at the moment” when it becomes clear the relationship has potential.

Rather than chase men who are ‘safe’ because they have girlfriends and there’s no risk of commitment, why don’t you look for love elsewhere - via friends, hobbies, sport etc and really get to know them.

That way you will know if they are single and have the chance to form a relationship that has far more potential than a quick fling after a night on the town.

Q: Women are advised to date a minimum of 3 guys at a time, otherwise she will be taken for granted. What should you do if you can't find another 2 guys?

Women are told that if they only date 1 guy at a time, he will take her for granted and never ask for commitment because you're not seeing anyone else anyway. If you can't find 2 more guys you want to date, should you lower your standards?

A: Where on earth did you get that piece of advice from? I would have thought the more guys you date the more you will be taken for granted and the less likely you will be to win any kind of exclusive relationship.

Game playing in relationships rarely works. There is no ‘formula’ and playing with people’s feelings generally means you’ll end up alone.

My advice would be to find one man at a time to date and if he doesn’t show you respect and kindness, move on.

Q: How can I get him to understand that I'm trying to move past what happened to me in the past and for him to bring it up all the time doesn't help?

A: You have to be firmer and tell him, unconditionally, that you do NOT want to discuss it any more and when he does raise it, change the subject or simply walk away.

That’s fine unless what happened to you in the past also involves your boyfriend because if it does then it may be understandable that he needs to talk about it.

In that case professional counselling for both of you might be an idea because it sounds like you both need help to move forward.

Q: I met a married lady friend and we greeted with a hug. Was it wrong of me if my hand slid from her back to her lower waist and she removed my hand?

A: It depends whether you were trying to, as the expression goes, ‘cop a feel’.

If it was an accident then you have nothing to worry about.

If you were flirting with her, she clearly didn’t like it so if you want to keep her friendship I wouldn’t do it again.

Who instigated the hug? People’s attitudes to physical contact when greeting varies of course, but I don’t usually hug my married friends - particularly not ones of the opposite sex.

Q: If you and your boyfriend agree on taking a break due to personal health reasons and he cheats on you within 3 weeks, how are you supposed to take it?

A: Why would you instigate a break for ‘personal health’ reasons? Was it you or him? People don’t usually split up because one of them is unwell - that’s all the more reason to care for one another (remember the ‘in sickness and in health’ line in marriage vows?).

If it was him then I’m afraid he was using his health as an excuse to break up.

If it was you then I don’t understand why you would ask for a break as such.

In any case, I always think ‘breaks’ of any kind are usually an excuse for the instigator of the break to go off and sleep with other people.

I’m sorry he cheated on you but I suspect you’re much better off without him.
Q: How do you tell someone you work with that you love her?
A: Love is a very strong word. Don’t you mean you find them very attractive and have a crush on them? Without knowing someone I’d hesitate to call it love.

If she is married or in a relationship I’m afraid you’ll need to keep your feelings to yourself.

Does she have any idea you feel this way? Are you friends? Do you talk to each other?

If you have no idea how she feels about you, announcing your love might freak her out a bit.

I’d also be careful if she’s senior or your boss.

I would concentrate (if she is single) on developing a friendship with her - ask her out for a coffee or something, get to know her as a person and take it from there.

Q: Is it okay to be upset at my boyfriend? It’s our one year anniversary and I got dressed up thinking we’d do something special.

It's our one year anniversary and he went out and ate and came back. I hadn't eaten, having dressed up thinking we'd do something special together. Is it okay to be upset about this?

A: Men don’t ascribe the same importance to birthdays, anniversaries and special occasions that we do. 

Lots of them show affection in completely different ways and HATE being made to show affection - Valentines Day is a case in point.

You don’t say whether this is a wedding anniversary or the anniversary of you being together.

If it’s the latter, it’s possible he doesn’t see it as particularly significant.

Did he know it was your anniversary? Had you discussed it in advance or did you just expect him to automatically remember?

Again, if it was a wedding anniversary I would have been a bit miffed but I would have made sure something was booked in advanced and I’d told him we were going out.

This is a tricky one because if you aren’t married and you create a hoo-hah about him missing this, then you may end up having the ‘commitment conversation’. Are you hoping the relationship will go long term? Do you know how he feels?

Are you prepared for the fact that he might not see this as a long term thing?

You know it’s not so much how we’re treated on special occasions that counts, more how we’re treated through the rest of the year and if he’s a decent, honest, faithful bloke who’s just made a bit of a cock-up, I’d forgive him and book somewhere nice for you to go next weekend.

Definitely a situation to play by ear - and make sure you take charge of next time.

How would you have responded to these questions? I'd love to know. You can find more advice on my problem page

Disclaimer: All materials included in this post are intended for informational purposes only. This post/information is not intended to and should not be used to replace medical or psychiatric advice offered by physicians or other health care providers. The author will not be liable for any direct, indirect, consequential, special, exemplary or other damages arising therefrom. 
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