A Poem for Caitlin & Ieuan
(and for those of us who had babies later in life)
You both were my renaissance,
an explosion of light in my world
made sparkling by the birth of two new stars.
All was dark and grey
Emotions were dull, feelings muted.
Wrapped in cotton wool I spent
days muffled from excitement or joy
I felt the ticking of the clock
like a drum in my veins
whilst denying its beat.
But then all was colour and noise
and tenderness and fear
They don't tell you about the fear do they?
You sneezed and the fabric of my universe wobbled.
Your temperature rose and I felt my blood freeze
Lost like an explorer in the Amazon
I hacked my way through endless tomes of parenting alchemy
only to remain lost.
Your births created my renaissance
but showed me a life shorter than your first breath.
I feel the sadness of being half way through,
I wish I could have felt the way you make me feel
But there is only now. And you. And time running faster
than the bare feet sprinting through the meadow
borne on currents of laughter