A Lifestyle & Parenting Blog

Thursday, 15 June 2017

Problem Page Edition 24 2017

This week - when you call your girlfriend 'Ducky' and she hates it, you call your baby 'Peekaboo' and everyone hates it, and you wonder if you'll ever be happy.

Two hands reaching out for one another

If you would like any advice, feel free to treat me as your agony aunt. Just message me or pop a comment in the comment box at the end of this post. I promise to be gentle.

Here are this week's questions.

Q: How should I respond to people who criticize me for naming my child Peekaboo?

My wife and I had a son about 3 months ago. We agreed that Peekaboo would be a cute baby name, so that is what we named him. Ever since then, people have been calling us bad parents and various other things. I don’t feel that it is any of their business what we name our child.

A: I sympathise. To a point.

Whilst you are right and it is your and your wife’s business what name you give your son, many people would think that this name may lead your child to be teased or worse, ridiculed, when they get to school.
What is cute for a toddler, is less funny in high school - or in a work environment.
That’s what people are gently trying to tell you.
Why don’t you give your son a more traditional name and keep Peekaboo as a nickname?

Q: Is it unfair to let your son's girlfriend sleep over but not let your daughter's boyfriend sleep over?

I am not the parent in this situation but the daughter. However, my brother is also a few years older than me (I'm 19) if that makes any difference. My parents don't even allow my boyfriend in my bedroom at all. I figured it's because I'm the youngest and a girl.

A: It may be 2017 but very often girls and boys are treated differently so yes, I suspect it is precisely because you are the girl and the youngest - although at 19 not so young.
To be frank, if I were your parents, I wouldn’t let either of you have boyfriends and girlfriends sleep over but every parent is different.
You could try discussing this with your parents but I suspect they are not likely to change their views on this, unfair as it may seem.
Why does your boyfriend need to sleep over though? I am assuming you are not allowed to sleep over at his either?
Is it actually your boyfriend your parents object to? How do they get on with him? Is he polite and respectful to them?
I think in this case you are going to have to wait until you move out to be with your boyfriend.
The only other suggestion I have is to get your brother on side and see if he will plead your case for you.
Q: I put a cotton bud too deep into my ear and now I can't hear anything on that side of my ear and it hurts.  What can I do to heal it?

A: I’m sure you know this by now but do NOT put cotton buds into your ear. There’s a saying - don’t stick anything in your ear smaller than your elbow because, as you have found out, you can damage your ear.

It sounds as if you have either pushed wax so far down into your ear it has become impacted and is affecting your hearing or that you have perforated your eardrum.
Please go and see your doctor to find out which one it is as soon as possible - particularly since you are in pain.
Don’t put anything else in your ear until you have been examined.
I hope all is OK. Try not to worry too much. I’m sure it will heal.

Q: Am I the bad guy for breaking off a relationship when the other person really wants to work it out?

I broke off a relationship over 9 months ago. The person since has tried really hard for things to work out but ultimately failed to meet my needs. I've made it clear in What I need out of the relationship and he has done everything but.

A: No of course you’re not. Actually if your ex has been trying to get back with you for over 9 months, I think you probably should have stood a little firmer to be fairer to them - and to you.

I always think that whilst, on paper, it’s a good thing to discuss what you ‘need out of a relationship’, relationships don’t really work like that. 
Generally they work or they don’t and when you get to the negotiation stage (I’ll love you more if you do this or that), really they are already past their sell by date.
I think you need to be clear to him and firmly say that it is not working, it’s still over, then cease contact and move on - at least until your ex has got used to the fact that it IS over.
But if you’re waiting for them to suddenly change to conform to meet your requirements, I suspect after 9 months it’s not going to happen.

Q: Is it wrong to say good morning and goodnight to a female friend if I'm in a relationship? I've been doing this since before I started dating.

I also gave the friend the nickname Ducky (in her class they have a name for things or people that they bounce ideas off of. Rubber Duckys and since I ask her opinion sometimes we settled on that.) My girlfriend is not happy about the nickname given to this friend.

A: It’s not a question of whether it’s wrong. It’s a question of whether it’s irritating your girlfriend and, by the sound of it, it is.

Whilst saying good morning and good night is, to some, rather sweet, I can see that it could also be seen as a tad obsessive - or even as if you are keeping tabs on her.

As for the nickname, I can quite see why she hates it. Can’t you see that there are other connotations with the word ‘Rubber’? Whilst it might be funny in class, outside of that, I’m sure she doesn’t want to be addressed as a school pupil.

Can’t you come up with something more romantic, or flattering?
If you want to keep this relationship going, I suspect you are going to have to start focusing on what she wants, rather than what you have been doing for ages without any thought to the consequences.

Q: I just did a pregnancy test at home 7 days before my period and came out negative; are the results accurate?

A: Is this because you have had unprotected sex and are worried? Or because you are planning to conceive? Either way you really need to wait until you miss a period.

Over the counter pregnancy tests are generally over 99% accurate.

If your period turns up, then you most likely are not.

If your period doesn’t turn up but you get a light spotting (known as implantation bleeding) then you may well be.

But if you have just had unprotected sex and are hoping for an immediate result, then you are going to have to wait.

Either way, it would be a good idea to contact your doctor to discuss contraception or (and I hope it’s good news for you), your pregnancy.


Q: Why don’t I care about anything?

There's nothing to live for, no relationships, happiness, passion, success etc. Nothing really matters to me, I often think about sabotaging everything or cut off everyone and restart my life.

A: Please go and see your doctor because what you describe are classic symptoms of depression.

Do you have close family or friends you can confide in who could support you and even come with you to the doctor?

Hard though it seems you need to take some positive action and the doctor will probably prescribe some anti-depressants which should make you feel more like your old self again.

You don’t have to take them for ever - just to get you through this dark period.

Rest assured that many, many people feel just the way you do and fight what is known as the ‘black dog’ but they manage to overcome it and lead happy productive lives with help and support.

Whilst all you want to do is shut the doors and keep everyone away, the only solution to the way you are feeling is reaching out.

The first step will be the hardest but you will feel glad you did in time.



How would you have responded to these questions? I'd love to know. You can find more advice on my problem page

Disclaimer: All materials included in this post are intended for informational purposes only. This post/information is not intended to and should not be used to replace medical or psychiatric advice offered by physicians or other health care providers. The author will not be liable for any direct, indirect, consequential, special, exemplary or other damages arising therefrom. 
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