Getting the Kids in the Pool – It’s Sink or Swim Time

Oh gawd. It’s time to teach the kids to swim. Now that they are both back to school it is time to create a social diary of exciting extracurricular activities with the express aims of  i) teaching them valuable life skills, ii) emptying my purse and iii) shortening the “arsenic hours” between 4 and 6 when World War III is likely to erupt if someone has eaten the last fig roll.

teach the kids to swim - little boy in the pool

Photo by frank mckenna on Unsplash

Swimming has to be on the list. It’s just I’m rubbish at it. I’m so short-sighted the last time I went on my own,  I walked into a caretaker’s cupboard and tried to dive into a mop bucket and now, with my dodgy hearing, I fear becoming a kind of water-logged Helen Keller. Let’s be honest here. It’s hard to be a swimming superstar if your swimming style has to encompass keeping your contact lenses in and, more importantly, keeping your hair dry.

I was lucky enough to attend a comprehensive school which had its own swimming pool and remember the joy of having to stuff a large ponytail into a swimming cap. It’d bring tears to your eyes.  I just remember the water being freezing and having to spend the rest of the school day soggy, tired and extra hungry.

I have nothing but admiration for those brave souls who cover themselves in goose fat and swim the Channel like an aquatic oven ready roast potato.

Whenever I swim, I stick to a regal breaststroke and the distance I swim is calculated on the likely distance I’d have to swim to a lifeboat, should I be on a sinking cruise ship. I have Celine Dion’s “My heart will go on” playing in my head, together with an image of Leonardo Di Caprio. (Not enjoyable because he always looks about 12 to me).

teach the kids to swim - the Titanic on a foggy sea

So I look forward to reporting back about our swimming successes as I teach the kids to swim. You never know, while we’re on the waiting list we might go the whole hog and actually inflate their paddling pool.

Mind you.  we’ll need plenty of goose fat.



  1. 14 September, 2013 / 8:28 pm

    I've lived here for 6 years and there's a pool 2 minutes walk away and I'm yet to visit (I did go into the building for a craft fair once though!). We don't have kids, so at least I'm not denying any small people the power of learning but Mr M would love to go. I haven't swam since junior school and there's no way I'd be seen in public in a bathing costume! x

  2. 14 September, 2013 / 7:20 pm

    I stick to a regal breast stroke too lol! You need to get some contacts for swimming, makes it so much easier

  3. 13 September, 2013 / 1:43 pm

    I love swimming – it's definitely my favourite form of exercise! Not sure I really want to be doing it in the winter though, even in a nice covered pool!

    Janey x

  4. Hayley Warren
    13 September, 2013 / 1:30 pm

    I used to love swimming when I was younger, it's the only sport I was good at!

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