1. Eat healthily. I say healthily, actually I mean back away from the biscuit tin and try to remember the existence of fruit.
It’s the biggest party night of the year.
2. Drink less. Whilst this means I will drink less wine, in practice it will mean I forget to drink sufficient water. Since Jesus turned water into wine, I reckon I’m about 50% there already.
3. Exercise more. Unless my back goes, when I will wander through shopping centres shouting randomly like a drunk tramp as the spasms hit, whilst the husband and kids will speed up and abandon me to lurch wantonly through John Lewis.
4. Listen to more music. Quietly. Too much noise is not good for my tinnitus but I miss belting out power ballads at the top of my lungs and scaring the neighbour’s cat. N. B. music does not include the shouty Viking rock my husband loves. If I want that kind of noise I will just put a saucepan on my head and bang it repeatedly with a ladle.
5. Not read the Daily Mail Online (or the Daily Kardashian as it has recently become). Some of the grimness of its reporting is really upsetting, but we all know I’ll be trying to guess who sent this week’s letter to Bel Mooney and wondering if the You Editorial Team would have the vapours if they saw the state of my interior decor. That’s not a euphemism by the way. In any case, the NHS has had far too much of my interior decor this year, to the extent that I have “if lost please return to University Hospital of Wales” embroidered on my knickers.
6. Not watch the same TV programmes over and over again. I am qualified to be an estate agent for Midsomer and Sykes is the only dog I would ever consider having as a pet. The death rate in Midsomer Murders would only be a problem if the Council Tax bandings were unreasonable.
7. Not buy the latest celebrity lifestyle tome in which rising at 6 am is de rigeur as is straining your home grown green tea through fine denier stockings and doing yoga to salute the sun. Nobody has seen the sun in Wales since 1976. And if I bend down, my physiotherapist has to be called immediately.
8. Be a better mother. I am not entirely sure what this entails but I believe it has something to do with being higher on the Julie Andrews scale and lower on the Gruffalo in a dressing gown scale.
Do you have any exciting resolutions this year? Whatever your resolutions are, I wish you all a happy, healthy and prosperous 2015.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!