You know that feeling when you realize you are turning into your mother? Oh yes. I’m there. Sometimes it’s as if my mouth is on autopilot and I swear as soon as the kids hear any of these they go temporarily deaf. But I know from talking to other mums that I am not the only one.
So here is my list of things mums say – all of which I utter on a regular basis. Do you recognize any of them?
Shut the door – were you born in a barn?
Because I say so.
Ask your father.
It’s not big and it’s not clever.
If you pick your nose your brain will cave in.
I would never have talked to MY mother like that.
It’ll all end in tears.
I told you so!!!
If you make that face the wind will change.
I’m not running a taxi service.
Close your mouth when you’re eating.
USE YOUR CUTLERY!!!
Who used the last piece of loo roll and didn’t replace it!
Wet towels do not belong on the floor.
Because I say so, that’s why.
I don’t care what Timmy’s mother says, this is the way we do it in this house.
Any more of that and there will be no more iPad for a week.
Don’t walk on my carpet in muddy shoes.
I’m going to count to 3.
If Lucy jumped off a cliff would you do that too?
If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.
If you don’t eat your vegetables you won’t grow up big and strong.
Jam sandwiches are not a ‘healthy’ tea.
Why did you ask for it if you weren’t going to eat it all?
When I was young we ate what we were given.
Stop shouting – use your indoor voice.
I don’t want to see either of you before 7 am.
Stop rolling around in your school uniform – you’ll look like a bag of rags.
You’ve got birds nesting in the back of that hair.
Are those potatoes growing in your ears?
Where’s your father got to THIS time?
Stick your finger in that plug socket and you’ll go bang.
No, it’s January. You can’t go without a coat.
No, you can’t go to church dressed as Elsa and Spiderman.
I bet Spiderman never spoke to his mother like that.
And I bet Ironman ate his vegetables.
Hulk went green because he ATE HIS VEGETABLES.
Is your father out of that bathroom yet?
No, you can’t stay off school for a grazed knee.
Or because you feel ‘a bit strange’.
Yes, you can have a cuddle.
Yes, we both love you – to bits.
WHERE IS THE RUDDY CORKSCREW?
Get back in bed.
Yes, that was the music from Emmerdale.
Yes, the moon is a different shape tonight.
Do you really need fleecy pyjamas on in June?
No, I don’t know what we are going to do tomorrow yet.
Yes, we still love you.
Are there any ‘things mums say’ that you’d add? I’d love to know.