A Poem About Having Babies Late In Life

A Poem for Caitlin & Ieuan

(and for those of us who had babies later in life)

You both were my renaissance, 

an explosion of light in my world

made sparkling by the birth of two new stars.

All was dark and grey

Emotions were dull, feelings muted.

Wrapped in cotton wool I spent 

days muffled from excitement or joy

I felt the ticking of the clock

like a drum in my veins

whilst denying its beat.

But then all was colour and noise

and tenderness and fear

They don’t tell you about the fear do they?

You sneezed and the fabric of my universe wobbled.

Your temperature rose and I felt my blood freeze

Lost like an explorer in the Amazon 

I hacked my way through endless tomes of parenting alchemy

only to remain lost.

Your births created my renaissance

but showed me a life shorter than your first breath.

I feel the sadness of being half way through,

I wish I could have felt the way you make me feel

then.

But there is only now.  And you.  And time running faster

than the bare feet sprinting through the meadow

borne on currents of laughter

and joy.