Handy Phrases For The School Run.

It’s the second week back in school and since I am already sick of the sound of my own voice, I am seriously thinking of replacing myself with a recording of somebody bellowing the following handy phrases.

As usual the kids’ interpretation of “school uniform” was somewhat wide of the mark.

Fellow warriors of the school run, I present to you some of my more useful sayings.

What are you having for breakfast?  No, we haven’t got those.  Or those.  Have toast.

No, I don’t know why the bread is green.

We have two toilets – you do NOT both need to go in the same one.

You should have gone before.

Well, why didn’t you tell me the toilet roll has run out then?

Clean your teeth OVER THE BOWL

Where has your father got to?

No, I cannot do a French plait with intricate Celtic knotting two minutes before we leave for school.

Take your cereal bowls out into the kitchen!

Brush your hair IN FRONT OF A MIRROR and get rid of the nest at the back.

Has anyone seen your father?

No, you can’t take a toy to school.  Or a fake mobile phone.

It’s September.  You need to take a coat.

No, you can’t have a light salad with toasted sesame seeds as your snack at 8:20 am

No, I don’t have any bananas on the ‘right side of green’.

Is your father hiding in the garage or something?

Put your pants in the wash basket

Why are you wearing one sock?

Why are you telling me about your homework NOW?

You need to eat a proper breakfast.  A Muller Rice is not a proper breakfast.

Why are you still in your nightie at 8:20?!

No, I don’t know where Buzz Lightyear is.

No, you cannot have ‘a little play’ with the Lego at 8:20.

No, we can’t go to the funfair after school.

I think your father has emigrated.

No, I don’t think today is ‘international dress-up day’ so you can’t go in your Incredible Hulk costume.

No,  your headmistress won’t be happy about you turning up with a Nerf gun.  Or a bow and arrow.

No, you can’t go on your bike/scooter/space hopper

You do realise I can’t take you to school wearing my dressing gown, do you?

Yes, the other mums will notice.  Some of them will even be wearing make-up.

Give your mother a kiss goodbye then…

Who’s had my KEYS?

Has anyone seen your father?

I’m sure you can relate.  Nothing like a peaceful start to the day, is there?

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