This week I’m talking about scaring your crush away by declaring your love on Facebook and why throwing your toys out of your pram in business is not a good idea.
If you would like any advice, feel free to message me or pop a comment in the comment box at the end of this post. I promise to be gentle.
In this edition:
Question: Is it normal if my male friend (who I like and isn’t seeing anyone) hasn’t texted me for a few weeks?
He has been sending me kisses and I sent some back. The week after he didn’t text me for six days but told me that he had been on Facebook (which I don’t have) but he still responds to me. Is it OK for a guy who likes you to not text you for a few weeks and will he text you back?
Answer: Texting is not real life. It is playing with phones. To have a real relationship with someone you have to spend time with them in person. You have to talk to them, get to know their hopes and dreams, what makes them tick.
Sending text kisses is not a declaration of love. It’s a mild flirtation, nothing more.
Since you are not in a relationship with this guy, there is no reason why he should text you more regularly.
It sounds to me as if he is keeping you sweet in case he decides he does want a relationship with you but that’s a little immature and, frankly, a waste of your time. And, by the way, you can get the Facebook app for free on your phone.
But don’t waste any more time hankering after this guy. If he is really interested he will be phoning to ask you out on a date.
Until that happens, this is just another keyboard flirtation which is going nowhere.
Question: Did he even love me? Did he cheat? Does he love her now?
We were happy until he told me that he doesn’t love me 100%. He took another girl to his workplace to eat but he never took me there. We broke up but he came back again. One minute he would be talking about an open relationship, the next he would tell me not to fall in love with someone else. Two days after he left me he was dating this other girl.
Answer: This man clearly wanted the best of both worlds and didn’t quite have the guts to tell you he wanted to break up. Or perhaps he wasn’t sure if this other girl really wanted him.
I am sorry for the upset you have gone through but really, this man is not worth your time or your emotions.
I believe love is something that develops over time in a committed relationship where both parties are prepared to make an effort.
I suspect he did cheat – and if you’re honest you suspected that too and yes, it hurts.
I don’t think, from your description, that he was a man in love. I also don’t think he’ll be staying with the new girl for very long either.
He sounds very immature and as if he doesn’t really know what he wants.
Just make sure you don’t let him come back to hurt you all over again.
Question: Do you think it better to argue in business or to just walk away?
Answer: That’s a pretty vague question and without knowing the context it’s hard to talk in anything more than generalisations.
If the argument is personal, based on dislike, or poor treatment or a simple difference of opinion, then keeping quiet and treating that person with respect is the professional thing to do.
If the poor treatment continues, it is surely the responsibility of HR to help sort it out.
If you are in a meeting and an argument arises, there’s a difference between being personal and offensive, and calmly stating your well thought out reasons for the good of the business.
In other words, if it’s your responsibility in whatever role you have at work to deliver something, then you need to find a way to work with the various personalities you encounter to deliver it.
I always think that the person who is shouting loses – because they have lost control. But walking away is just playing chicken.
I can’t imagine Richard Branson storming off in a huff somehow, can you?
Question: I told my crush I like him. We were good friends but since I told him I like him he doesn’t talk to me anymore. What does this mean?
I told him I like him on Facebook and we talked about that for about 3–4 minutes, but that was 2 days ago and now he doesn’t even talk to me or message me. My friends have noticed that he stares at me during lessons though. Did I do something wrong?
Answer: I’m guessing you’re not very old and perhaps you are a little inexperienced.
Declaring your love publicly, on Facebook, isn’t the best place to do it, particularly if he wasn’t expecting it. You put him on the line and he was probably embarrassed and didn’t know what to say.
In general, and I don’t care if this sounds old fashioned, men like to do the chasing.
It does sound as if he does not feel the same way as he has made no effort to contact you or arrange a date.
He may be interested, hence the stares, but lacks the confidence to do anything. Surely you got some sense how he felt in your brief conversation?
All you can do is tell him you value his friendship and understand if he is not interested. Tell him you don’t want to lose what you had – unless you feel that you couldn’t cope with just being a friend and not a lover.
But please, do this subtly face to face – and not on Facebook.
Question: What are the clues that an ex is playing hard to get?
Answer: Surely if they’re an ex they’re not really playing hard to get anymore – they’re an ex?
Do you mean that they are showing signs of wanting you back?
It’s very common for exes to reminisce about old times without necessarily wanting to rekindle the relationship.
The only way you will truly know if they are interested is by hearing them say it – or by them asking you out on a date again.
If you are chasing this person and they are giving you the runaround then I don’t think they’re really interested.
If you broke up with them or if you cheated, they may just be toying with you to get some rather immature revenge.
Either way, it’s time to stop playing games and ask what’s going on – that way you can move forward with your life and stop wasting time on someone who may have no intention of rekindling your relationship.
Question: Is it true that if you haven’t fallen in love before the age of 21, you’ll never really fall in love at all?
Answer: No of course not – unless you are living in some Disney fantasy land.
I think young love is often based on nothing more than sexual attraction whereas more mature love can be deeper and more enduring.
Falling in love is not a mechanical process. You can’t apply rules and regulations to it. If you could there would not be the acres of romantic poetry and prose from our fellow humans desperately trying to understand love.
Neither does love necessarily ‘appear’ before your magical cut-off age of 21. For some it appears out of the blue; for others, it grows and strengthens over time.
There is a saying “youth is wasted on the young”. I’d argue you could say the same about love.
If you are stressing about not experiencing ‘the big love’ yet, relax. Love can be hard to find if you go looking for it.
But if you’re happy, content, like yourself and are kind to others, very often love will find you.
How would you have responded to these questions? Have you ever found yourself declaring your love on Facebook? I’d love to know. You can find more advice on my problem page.