My Problem Page Edition 4 2017

This week I’m talking about whether announcing your crush on Facebook is effective, how to chat your neighbour up and whether a gentleman should still hold a car door open for a lady.

Mother Distracted Problem Page: Woman in white tunic, leaning against a white wall holding a bunch of pink flowers

If you would like any advice, feel free to treat me as your agony aunt. Just message me or pop a comment in the comment box at the end of this post. I promise to be gentle.

Here are this week’s questions.

Q: How can I talk to the girl in the flat downstairs without seeming weird?

I got handed some post for the flat downstairs and when I knocked on the door a really cute girl answered. Unfortunately, I didn’t have any time to talk to her and left abruptly. (I’m a bit shy too).

It’d probably seem weird if I knocked on the door again and asked for her. Do you have any ideas?

A: Can’t you do use the old “can I borrow some sugar / coffee / tea” ruse?

Or claim there’s a strange noise coming from your heating and does she have it too?

You could drop her a note if you’re less brave saying “hi it’s your neighbour from upstairs. Would you like to go for a coffee sometime?”

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

You do need to find out though whether she already has a partner. 

Q: I have a manipulative step daughter. How can I address this situation?

A: Manipulative in what way and how old is your step daughter? 

Teenage girls can be pretty manipulative no matter what their position in the family!

Are you saying that she is causing trouble between you and your partner? Are they taking their daughter’s side? 

Is the break-up of her family relatively recent?  I would say that your first step is to raise your concerns with your partner and you both working through the issues with her as a united front. 

Once she realises she can’t play one of you off against the other, her behaviour may change. 

Q: What should I do when there’s people saying bad and fake things about me to my boyfriend?

A: I’m assuming someone, somewhere is jealous of you. 

That is usually the reason for bad-mouthing. 

Did your boyfriend leave another for you? Did he cheat on his previous partner with you?

If that’s the case then it’s entirely likely you’ll have to put up with some bitching from his ex and their friends.

The aim of these people is clearly to split you up and I think you do need to address this with your boyfriend to put your side of the story before this escalates. 

If he knows and loves you I’m sure he will discount these rumours but it would be better to present a united front against these trouble-makers. 

Just be sure that what is being said is definitely fake.

Q: Does adding your crush on Facebook counts as making the first move?

I would prefer to interact in real life, but I only see him in a crowded place and due to the nature of his job we only have the chance to talk briefly. We do have friends in common on Facebook so I thought about adding him there. Does doing that counts as making the first move, or not?

A: No it doesn’t. 

People add Facebook friends all the time for all sorts of reasons. 

You say you have the chance to talk briefly. Why don’t you be brave and ask them for a coffee?

It’s better to find out now if they are interested than waste months puttering around on Facebook in the hope that they may one day message their undying love. 

Whilst you’re doing that, someone braver might steal them away from under your nose. 

Time to take a risk.

Q: Is not holding a car door or paying for her dinner wrong if she has a job and is physically able?

A: It’s not wrong but it is considered good manners. 

When you’re dating you want to make the best impression possible and whilst I wouldn’t expect to pick up the tab every time as the relationship progressed, an offer to pay for dinner the first time is a nice thing to do. 

She may be a feminist who resents such attention on the basis that she is perfectly able to look after herself but, frankly, I have always found gestures like this quite charming and endearing. 

There’s a difference between that, though, and becoming a meal ticket where the only reason she wants to spend time with you is for the nice meals and treats. 

You have, unfortunately, to go through the initial ‘learning curve’ to find that out. 

If you’re broke by the way there’s no reason why you can’t be upfront about this and ask to split the bill. 

If you really like this girl, a bit of chivalry won’t go amiss – or she’s likely to choose someone else who does treat her like a lady rather than ‘one of the lads’.

How would you have responded to these questions? I’d love to know. You can find more advice on my problem page.

Disclaimer: All materials included in this post are intended for informational purposes only. This post/information is not intended to and should not be used to replace medical or psychiatric advice offered by physicians or other health care providers. The author will not be liable for any direct, indirect, consequential, special, exemplary or other damages arising therefrom.

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