Have I Been Friend Zoned? – Problem Page

This week I’m talking about whether you’ve been friend zoned when your boyfriend starts swearing around you and why you don’t always get that phone number, no matter how gorgeous you are.

Graffitti on wall saying Love Is Love - have you been friend zoned?

If you would like any advice, feel free to treat me as your agony aunt. Just message me or pop a comment in the comment box at the end of this post. I promise to be gentle.

In this edition:-

  • If he’s serious, how soon after the date will he text?
  • Why won’t she give me her number?
  • He’s leaving me after 4 years and I’ve done everything for him
  • If he uses bad language around you, have you been friend zoned?

Question: Is almost 5 days too long for a guy to text and ask a girl out after 2 nice long dates? Does that mean he doesn’t want anything serious?

Answer: Well, there are two possibilities here.

Firstly, he isn’t all that keen.  Secondly, he’s playing hard to get or he’s busy with other things at the moment.

Is there anything stopping you from texting him? It is 2017 you know. His response will tell you all you need to know.

If you want to keep waiting then busy yourself with other things.

Your time is too valuable, surely, to spend hanging around waiting for the phone to buzz.

Question: Why wouldn’t a girl give her number when I asked? 

I met this girl and we talked for about 45 minutes. We had a great conversation and laughed a lot. I’m good looking. (I’m not bragging. I’m told this a lot and frequently get whistled at in public). I have also been given loads of phone number previously, but I can’t figure out why she wouldn’t give me her number.

Answer: There’s more to being attractive than just being good looking.

For whatever reason, despite the fact you had a great conversation, she wasn’t interested. Did you find out if she already had a partner? Or kids?

Do you think you might have come across too pushy or over-confident? That can be a real turn off for some people.

If you already have a lot of phone numbers, do you think she might have suspected you’re a player?

That’s not particularly attractive either.

It doesn’t sound like your struggling for female attention though. I think this is just ‘one of those things’.

Question: I have been there for my boyfriend for 4 years and helped through everything. Now everything is good for him he is leaving me? I don’t understand. Why?

Answer: I am really sorry to hear this and I can understand you feel this is really unfair.

The hard truth is that people can fall out of love, no matter how nice and kind their partner is. I don’t think anything you did, or didn’t do, would have made a difference. Some relationships just fizzle out.

When you say ‘everything is good for him’, do you mean he has a job, money, happier family relationships, someone else?

You also don’t say how old you are. Sometimes one partner grows and matures faster than the other and, to use the cliche, wants different things.

This is particularly common I believe with younger relationships, out of school and college for example.

If you have been supporting him financially or in any other way to the detriment of your own health and happiness, now is the time to say “you have chosen to continue without me so off you go”.

It’s time to look after yourself now and to look for someone with whom you will grow into the future and who will appreciate all you do for them.

Don’t be a doormat any longer.

Question: Is it good for a boyfriend to console his girlfriend all the time? 

I’ve just had a girlfriend for over one month now. She is a moody girl. Sometimes, she gets angry with me for no reason. I am always the one who tries to make things right. Sometimes, I feel tired. Moreover, I wonder if that will spoil her as she knows that I will always try to console her.

Answer: Since you’ve only been together for a month, it’s not a good sign that she’s moody and angry with you.

She’s behaving like a child and you worry that you will ‘spoil her’ which will only serve to reinforce her childish behaviour.

If it is something you are doing that is upsetting her – and you know that your behaviour is bad – for example, being late, disrespectful, flirting with other girls, then I can see she might be moody but otherwise it sounds like she has problems.

Does she suffer from depression or any kind of personality disorder? If so, then tread carefully – she may need more help than you can give her.

Otherwise, I would be tempted to look for someone who doesn’t make you feel bad and uncomfortable all the time.

Question: If a guy uses colourful words around a woman and is generally comfortable in her presence, does this mean he has “friend zoned” her?

Answer: It depends how long he has known her – and whether she is in a serious relationship with him.

If you have just started dating and he is relaxed but swearing, then it does sound as if he is comfortable in your presence.

If you object to the swearing than simply tell him.

His reaction to that will give you a much clearer idea of where you really stand.

I hate swearing and whilst I understand occasionally you can’t help it if every sentence contains an obscenity I’d have to say something.

Don’t you want to be treated like a lady?

A better clue to whether you are in the ‘friend zone’ is the amount of physical contact there is between you. If there’s no hugging, kissing or attempts to be physically close then it’s pretty clear there’s very little interest.

How would you have responded to these questions? Have you ever been friend zoned? I’d love to know. You can find more advice on my problem page.

Disclaimer: All materials included in this post are intended for informational purposes only. This post/information is not intended to and should not be used to replace medical or psychiatric advice offered by physicians or other health care providers. The author will not be liable for any direct, indirect, consequential, special, exemplary or other damages arising therefrom.

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