This week I’m talking about what to do when you don’t find your wife attractive any more, how to cope with a 6 year old little boy who seems depressed and dealing with a friend who feels up your partner.
If you would like any advice, feel free to treat me as your agony aunt. Just message me or pop a comment in the comment box at the end of this post. I promise to be gentle.
Here are this week’s questions.
Q: Why does my girlfriend expect me to be her personal counsellor?
A: Because she’s your girlfriend and that’s what people in relationships generally do for one another.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking, however, that just because she tells you her problems she wants you to solve them.
We women like a sounding board but we’re quite capable of solving our own problems most of the time.
If you are dealing with the same issues over and over then could you seek other help – professional, doctor, family, friend?
Is it a problem outside of her control?
If it’s just day to day niggles then I think you need to ask yourself why it’s irritating you so much and either find a way to reduce her offloading to you or consider changing your girlfriend.
She really does deserve someone prepared to listen to her.
Q: What should you do when your wife turns off your sexual desire?
A: Do you mean that your wife no longer turns you on or that she is no longer interested in sex?
The two are quite different things.
If you are no longer finding her attractive then you need to ask yourself why.
Has she put on a lot of weight? Is she always too tired? Have you recently become parents?
Has she lost her sex drive through hormonal changes such as the menopause?
Does she suffer from depression? Are there unresolved issues between you? Is she angry with you for some reason?
It’s not just about you, you know, and you owe it to her to have a frank conversation about how you are feeling and what is going on with her.
You also need to ask yourself is there anything you are doing that is contributing to the problem.
Women are not there to provide sex on tap but deserve to be nurtured and respected just as men do.
You found her attractive enough to marry – this may well be just a pit in the road that you can get around.
Q: Is it wrong when a girl who is a “friend with benefits” gets in a relationship with another guy and doesn’t tell you for 2 months?
We became friends with benefits when we were both single. Then she went into relationship with another guy and lied to me for two months. During that time she claimed all the time she was honest.
A: Well what do you expect?
Friends with benefits is exactly that – sex with no strings attached.
It sounds like she means a lot more to you than you realised, or are willing to let on.
The fact that she didn’t tell you for 2 months hints that she knows how you really feel.
You either have to tell her you want a relationship with her or, I’m afraid, put up with it if you want her in your life.
By the sound of it you need to be honest with her or you’ll regret losing her.
Q: How do I deal with my 6 year old son who seems depressed?
A: I think you need to be very careful about labelling his behaviour as “depressed”.
Do you mean he is withdrawn, tearful, moody? Does he play with other children? Is he isolating himself in his room?
All of these things can equally be signs of tiredness (what time does he go to bed?), poor nutrition (does he live on soda and chicken nuggets) or possibly bullying at school.
I think you need to look at what is going on with you as a family and then assess whether there is something external (i.e. at school) or medical going on.
If you’re pretty sure it’s medical (and there’s nothing like a parent’s instinct for that), then you need to take him to a doctor for a check-up.
Could you make time to sit with him each day, either after school or before bed to chat to him about his day just to see what comes up?
If he’s not a communicative child, why don’t you ask him to do some crafting or draw a picture of his day – the things kids draw often show us exactly what they’re thinking.
Try not to worry to much but do take action.
Hopefully it may be something simple like a virus which is laying him low for a bit but you are quite right that the situation needs to be addressed quickly – for your own peace of mind, as well as your son’s.
Q: What should I do if my friend felt up my girlfriend?
At a party I guess they talked or something, they held hands, he felt her chest, they were drunk but talked about wishing they were closer, etc. I really liked her before, now I’m conflicted. What do I do? My friend lives hundreds of miles away normally, so he’s not stealing her.
A: It really depends on the circumstances.
How do you know your friend felt up your girlfriend? Did you see it or did she tell you?
Was she distressed by the incident?
If so, then I’m afraid you have to talk to your friend to tell them that their behaviour was unacceptable.
If, though this was a clumsy drunken fumble in a nightclub then I’d be asking myself if my ‘girlfriend’ was all that loyal and although I might forgive, I’d certainly be keeping a closer eye on her and my friends.
It really depends on whether you think she was a willing participant or was taken advantage of.
And you need to be really clear which one it was before you take any action that might ruin your relationship with either your girlfriend or your friend.
How would you have responded to these questions? I’d love to know. You can find more advice on my problem page.
Disclaimer: All materials included in this post are intended for informational purposes only. This post/information is not intended to and should not be used to replace medical or psychiatric advice offered by physicians or other health care providers. The author will not be liable for any direct, indirect, consequential, special, exemplary or other damages arising therefrom.
Midlife mum from Cardiff. Wine Imbiber. Likes glitter, fluff and olives. Approaching tweendom with Caitlin (11) and Ieuan (10). The husband is hiding in the loft.
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