Problem Page Edition 10 2017

This week – dreaming about a partner cheating and an ex who denies they ever dated you.

Woman drinking a cup of coffee

If you would like any advice, feel free to treat me as your agony aunt. Just message me or pop a comment in the comment box at the end of this post. I promise to be gentle.

Here are this week’s questions.

Q: How do I tell if a guy treats me like a sister or a potential girlfriend? 

This guy I like has confusing behaviour. He often flirts with me but sometimes talks to me as if I am a a small kid, I don’t know how to explain. He ‘stalks’ me on Facebook and likes my pictures too. How can I decipher his actions?

A: It sounds as if he is interested in you but I would be less than impressed with being patronised by his speaking to you as if you are a child. 

It sounds like he is rather full of himself and certain that you will fall at his feet! Either that or he lacks confidence and has little experience with women and is trying to make out he is the ‘big man’.

It’s not a quality I personally would find very attractive, nor the stalking on facebook. 

It’s up to you to decide whether you want a relationship with him or not and, if not, I would be tempted to unfriend him on Facebook – once you have told him clearly that you are not interested. 

I suspect at the moment he is getting rather mixed messages.

Q: Is it normal if my boyfriend have never given a gift for me thought we were in a distant relationship about 3 years?

A: I’m assuming you have actually met this man in which case, yes, it is rather odd. 

Does he send birthday cards? Valentines cards?

Do you send him presents? 

Are you the one doing all the running in this relationship? 

If he has stopped reciprocating, or returning your calls, or showing concern for how you are and making plans to get together, then it sounds as if your relationship has run its course. 

I am sure you can find someone closer to home who will care for you a lot better.

Q: How can I stop getting bothered about the way my ex girlfriend rewrote our history? 

She probably has good reason for her behaviour which I can understand.  I’m guessing that I killed her attraction with neediness, jealousy and other insecure behaviours. Still it bothers me how someone can do a 180 from chasing me, to denying that we dated for a whole year.

A: She is being rather immature but, if you were unkind to her then I can see why she would rather pretend the whole experience didn’t exist. 

I would also suggest that it is possible she left for reasons other than your behaviour – people sometimes just get tired of being in a relationship – so I would not heap too much blame on yourself.

The truth is you can analyse this forever and still not come up with the exact reason for her behaviour. 

The point is, how are you going to go forward and what are you going to do to make sure that your issues don’t affect your next relationship? 

This relationship didn’t work. Let it go and focus on being positive, happy and finding someone with whom you feel confident and who you can trust.

Q: What does it mean if I have been dreaming about my partner cheating on me? 

A: Sometimes we dream the most ridiculous things for no reason at all. 

Dreams, the theory goes, are the brain’s way of filing the days events into the computer of our subconscious. 

I have also read that we tend to dream in symbols which can sometimes be far more unpleasant than their actual meaning. 

For example, a common dream is that your teeth are falling out, or that you are falling off a cliff. The teeth one is supposed to mean that you fear ageing or being less productive.

So, dreaming that your spouse is cheating on you might not actually mean that. 

It may symbolise that you fear people are not being honest with you in general, or something is making you question your trust for people. 

A more probably explanation is that this dream is just a symptom of insecurity in your relationship and, rather than go off the deep end and assume you have had a psychic warning, I would sit down with a cup of coffee and think about what it is that is making you feel unsettled. 

In your dream is your partner cheating on you with someone you know? Ask yourself if there is any basis to think that this might be true. 

You could jokingly mention your dream to your partner and gauge his reaction. And if you are feeling insecurity talk to him about it and ask for reassurance. 

The dream may also have meant that you need to take better care of your partner to ensure he doesn’t wander off. Have you been neglecting him? 

In all likelihood, this was just a silly dream which meant nothing but a bit of extra quality time together wouldn’t hurt.

Q: My girlfriend won’t reply to me ,what should I do to get her attention? 

She has depression and is taking pills these days saying that she’s really not good. I always text her to make her feel safe.  Now she’s not replying but I can see that she is active on social media.  Her profile picture says that love sucks and a friend is better.

A: I’m not sure there is much you can do. 

It may be that her behaviour is a symptom of her depression for which she deserves sympathy and understanding. 

You don’t say what pill she takes but hopefully these have been prescribed by a doctor to help her with her depression. 

Her comment about ‘love sucks’ makes me wonder if there is anything else going on between you two. 

That comment sounds bitter and as if it relates to something specific.

Are you sure you have not done something to upset her? Or given her cause to suspect that you have? 

If she is ignoring you you may be better off stopping the texts for a while to see if she notices and decides to respond. 

It may be that the ignoring is a form of attention seeking behaviour. When we are depressed sometimes we push away the things we really want because we feel we don’t deserve them. 

I would give her some time and concentrate on you. Stop the Facebook stalking and go out and enjoy yourself. 

Whilst it is commendable that you are looking out for her, you are not, as they say, her keeper. 

Time for your own happiness to come first.

How would you have responded to these questions? I’d love to know. You can find more advice on my problem page.

Disclaimer: All materials included in this post are intended for informational purposes only. This post/information is not intended to and should not be used to replace medical or psychiatric advice offered by physicians or other health care providers. The author will not be liable for any direct, indirect, consequential, special, exemplary or other damages arising therefrom. 

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