Problem Page Edition 14 2017

This week – when you accidentally manage to insult your boss, how to get your boyfriend to upgrade his restaurant choices and how often you should email in a long distance relationship.

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If you would like any advice, feel free to treat me as your agony aunt. Just message me or pop a comment in the comment box at the end of this post. I promise to be gentle.

Here are this week’s questions.

Q: Do you think he meant what he said? 

I jokingly told one of my managers that he gives me anxiety and he said “well you give me headaches” and then something else I didn’t catch. I don’t know if he meant it or not but it made me wonder if he was just joking too.

A: It wasn’t the most tactful thing to say to a manager, was it and I’m not surprised you got a sharp retort and possibly something muttered under his breath. 

I’d just let it go and make an extra effort to be helpful and respectful with him in future – unless he really does give you anxiety in which case you should have a quiet word with HR. 

I wouldn’t escalate this unless you absolutely have to.

Q: How long before someone is late for a date that it becomes rude and not just late?

A: I’d say 20 minutes would be the point at which my patience would be severely tested.

It all depends on whether you have had a text or call in the meantime telling you they’re delayed and explaining why. 

Or whether they have a sensible explanation when they reach you – it’s easy to be stuck in traffic, or held up at work for example. 

Some people are, unfortunately, habitually late and if that’s a quality that irks you (it drives me nuts!), then I’d change your date.

Q: What does it mean when your boyfriend says he doesn’t care if you leave?

A: It means he doesn’t deserve you and he needs to grow up. 

If he doesn’t want to be in a relationship he has to man up and leave.

I’m sorry but it sounds as if he is saying he wants to leave but doesn’t have the bottle to make the break himself so he is pushing you into doing it. 

I really wouldn’t waste any more time on him. In your shoes my response would be “right, I’m off then”.

You don’t need to spend time with passive aggressive bullies or men who are chronically immature.

Q: Is it normal and/or is it a must to consistently send emails to someone in long-distance, online dating? 

Email is our only way of communication as of now, although we sometimes chat on social media. Should I always update or check up on her once in a while – especially when I see her online? I’m avoiding too much contact so as not to be too needy or clingy.

A: Well if you don’t have some communication in a long distance relationship what is the point? 

I’m sorry but I really don’t think long distance relationships work very well for long. It’s a lot of work, isn’t it, to keep it going? 

Shouldn’t you be asking her about the best way to run this relationship? It sounds as if you don’t quite know what’s going on. 

In your shoes, frankly I would be looking for a relationship closer to home which relies on that old fashioned method of communication – talking. 

And she should be making as much effort as you are. If you are not hearing anything from her via email or social media then it doesn’t look like she’s all that interested. 

To me the acid test is if either of you actually pick up the phone and talk in person.

That’s how you have a real relationship.

Q: How do I suggest better restaurants to go to with my boyfriend without being offensive or ungrateful? He normally pays when we go out. I have also. 

A: When you say better, do you mean more expensive or do you mean restaurants where they serve better food? 

I would focus on the quality of the meal. Otherwise you risk sounding as if you are treating your boyfriend as a meal ticket. Not cool. 

Why don’t you pick a restaurant you fancy and offer to treat him. If he enjoys it he might get the message but if you are picking restaurants you know are out of his budget and expecting him to pay then that’s not fair.

Splitting the bill would be the nicest thing to do. 

Surely time with your boyfriend is more important than the food in any case. Why not pack a picnic or go to the movies. It doesn’t always have to be about food, does it?

How would you have responded to these questions? I’d love to know. You can find more advice on my problem page.

Disclaimer: All materials included in this post are intended for informational purposes only. This post/information is not intended to and should not be used to replace medical or psychiatric advice offered by physicians or other health care providers. The author will not be liable for any direct, indirect, consequential, special, exemplary or other damages arising therefrom. 

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