Problem Page Edition 20 2017

This week – whether it’s a good sign if they text straight after your date, what to do when your affair goes toxic, and whether older women are ignored.

Woman in an art gallery nursing a cup of coffee

If you would like any advice, feel free to treat me as your agony aunt. Just message me or pop a comment in the comment box at the end of this post. I promise to be gentle.

Here are this week’s questions.

Q: As a 22-year-old female, how do I attract a 30-year-old single male?

A guy I work with stares at me a lot but when I catch him staring he quickly looks away. He hasn’t made a move, although he knows that recently broke up with my boyfriend. He teases me to see if I’ve got back with him and when I say no he grins! Other times he completely ignores me.

A: All you can do is test him out by asking if he fancies a coffee or a drink and gauge his reaction.

Either he wants to ask you out and hasn’t got the nerve, or he just enjoys teasing you.

Putting him on the spot and asking him for a date will sort this one way or another.

I have to say it doesn’t sound as if he’s particularly interested in a relationship – does he have a girlfriend or partner?

Make sure you know the answer to that one before you ask him out!

Q: I like this girl and we dated, but she is 300 km away and is obsessed with another guy. Plus for some reason she now dislikes me. What can I do?

A: I really can’t see the point in you pursuing this girl. She lives miles away and is interested in another man.

Also, when you say ‘because of something’ she dislikes you, are you sure you don’t know what you’ve done to annoy her? I suspect you do.

I would stop pursuing her because she clearly isn’t interested and, if she changes her mind and you dated, she’ll know where to find you.

Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder but I wouldn’t bank on it in this case.

Q: Are women attracted to guys who feel sorry for themselves and cry “poor me, life’s unfair”?

A: Not really. Women are more attracted to men who focus on them rather than themselves and their own issues.

That’s not to say you won’t find a partner but if you are permanently miserable I suspect your partner will struggle.

If, though, you are suffering from depression then you need to talk to your doctor and seek advice and support so that you can get well and be better placed to find a supportive, loving relationship.

Q: How do you win your wife’s trust back when she comes to know that you were talking to someone behind her back for a month?

Things started at our office and she fell in love with me. Now is the time that we both want to move on. Things got so bad that the girl at my office wanted to commit suicide if her husband gets to know about this?

A: Oh dear. You have got yourself into a right mess, haven’t you?

Firstly I think you need to take a little responsibility. Things didn’t just start – you both flirted with one another and started a relationship. And it sounds like you have got the guilts and want to end it whilst she is using emotional blackmail to ensure that you don’t.

Why, I am wondering, will her husband get to know about this? You’re surely not going to tell him if you are concentrating on winning your wife’s trust back are you?

Which can only mean she is threatening to tell her husband if you don’t continue the relationship to force your relationship out into the open – and therefore making sure your wife knows about it.

All you can do is be completely honest with your wife and recommit to her – if you mean it.

You will just have to stand firm with this other girl. I doubt that she will do anything silly but it may be worth you having a private chat with your HR department.

If things are really difficult, unfortunately, you may have to look for another job.

Q: If a guy texts you immediately after the date is over does that mean he liked me?

A: He texted me to drive safe and thank you. Right before I left he said we should do this again. Are all of these signs that he likes me? Sorry it has been so long since I dated?

It certainly looks that way. There is a possibility that he is just being a gentleman though so try not to read too much into it at this stage.

Try not to spend the next few days attached to your phone and since it’s been a while, keep your options open too.

I would give it a week and if you haven’t heard anything perhaps text him asking him if he wants to go out again.

That will be the acid test.

I hope things work out for you.

Q: Why are older women ignored?

A: They aren’t, in my experience unless they are determined to be. Some of the most powerful women in politics are ‘older’, Theresa May, Angela Merkel, Hilary Clinton or in celeb land, Judi Dench, Helen Mirren, Charlotte Rampling, etc.

I doubt any of these women would give a fig if they were ignored and would just carry on doing their own thing.

A brilliant example of such an older women is Iris Apfel (look her up on Instagram) -she’s 90 and a fashionista.

The problem is not with women. It’s with the now vastly outdated attitude some people still have to ageing.

How would you have responded to these questions? I’d love to know. You can find more advice on my problem page 

Disclaimer: All materials included in this post are intended for informational purposes only. This post/information is not intended to and should not be used to replace medical or psychiatric advice offered by physicians or other health care providers. The author will not be liable for any direct, indirect, consequential, special, exemplary or other damages arising therefrom. 

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