This week in problem page edition 37 – when your girlfriend never texts you at work, calling a love who rejected you 27 years ago and when you ditch your boyfriend and decide you want him back.
If you would like any advice, feel free to treat me as your agony aunt. Just message me or pop a comment in the comment box at the end of this post. I promise to be gentle.
A: What are you going to tell him though? That you wanted a new relationship but you can’t find anyone who is suitable so he’ll do?
If you instigated the break-up I think you need to be VERY sure you are going back to him for the right reason – which really isn’t because you can’t find a new man who meets your criteria.
Going back just because you don’t want to be on your own is a recipe for disaster.
If, on the other hand, you realise that he is the one after all and that you really do want him, then all you can do is tell him you made a mistake and is there any chance of a reconciliation?
Tell him WHY you think he’s the man for you and the things that have made you realise this.
But if you can’t think of anything to tell him, then I don’t think he’s really the one you want.
But you are not 17 or 25 any more. You are a mature adult with a wife and kids.
You know full well that it is not okay to call her – particularly since you seem to be in denial about your intentions.
Your wife would feel betrayed if you pursue this woman, and frankly, you would do better to rekindle the romance in your marriage and consider how different things would be if you had ended up with a woman who has already dumped you twice and lose your wife and kids.
We work together and even attend the same church, so my chances of avoiding her are slim. Also, we’re pretty good friends, and I don’t want to lose her over this.
A: I hate to break it to you but you don’t ‘have her’ to lose. As you say, she is happily married with kids but it seems you have created a fantasy relationship in your mind.
Does she know you feel this way?
I appreciate that your paths will have to cross at work and possibly at church but you are not a teenager (I’m assuming), gripped by a passion you can’t control. That is just an excuse.
Have you considered how her husband would feel – or react if he caught you pursuing his wife – and your colleagues and brethren at church? And what about the children?
Since you mention church, perhaps prayer may help you focus on doing the right thing and give you the strength to develop a relationship of your own.
A: No it isn’t. By the sound of it, your girlfriend is mature enough to understand that when you’re at work you’re supposed to work.
It’s when she doesn’t bother to contact you outside work that you have a problem.
A: There seem to be two issues here – the first being (I’m assuming), her unfaithfulness when ‘going through a bad phase’. Were you together then? And what was the ‘bad phase’ and your role in it?
Secondly, I’m not sure that having a 10-year-old kid is a reason to turn a proposal down unless you think that you are merely being asked to be a financial solution to single parenthood.
Is this the case? You don’t sound as if you have any interest in or relationship with this child?
Also, given that she has proposed to you, you obviously don’t feel strongly enough to make the suggestion yourself.
I think you need some time apart to get your head straight, examine your feelings and decide whether this relationship is right for you – particularly since there are the feelings of a 10-year-old child to consider here.
A: Why do you need to tell him? What do you hope to achieve? Is it something he is doing? Is there something he can change?
If you are not happy then yes, you need to talk to him about it, but I don’t see the need for telling him you don’t love him any more unless you want the relationship to end.
Would you bother to change for someone who told you their feelings were fading?
Do you know why your feelings are fading? Before you tell him something which may upset him, I think you need to think about your role in the relationship – it takes two, after all.
Have you been as loving and supportive of him?
A: Oh dear. It’s not very ‘girl code’ is it? And, if you had an acrimonious break-up or he dumped you, she’s not much of a best friend.
I imagine it’s pretty awkward between you and, if you’re hurting, I’d feel entirely justified in telling her so – and that you’ll resume your friendship in the future when you have got used to the idea.
Are you sure this is not a ploy by your ex-boyfriend to get back at you?
By the sounds of it, you’re better off without the pair of them.
I hope you enjoyed Problem Page Edition 37. You can find more dating advice from your online relationship coach in these posts:-
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Midlife mum from Cardiff. Wine Imbiber. Likes glitter, fluff and olives. Approaching tweendom with Caitlin (11) and Ieuan (10). The husband is hiding in the loft.
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