Problem Page Edition 40 2017

In this week’s problem page from your agony aunt online – is it normal for your husband to text you 10 times a day, can a man with money keep a woman no matter what and why he just won’t initiate texts.

agony aunt online - woman holding a romantic novel

If you would like any advice, just message me or add a comment at the end of this post and I will answer selected questions on this problem page.

Here are this week’s questions.

QWhy doesn’t he initiate texts?

A: There are several possible reasons.

  • he just isn’t interested. If he was he would be doing everything possible to pursue you.
  • you are coming over too keen and pushy and putting him off (are you texting him all the time)
  • he hates using the phone

The acid test of a good relationship is not whether someone texts, it’s how often you SPEAK in person and meet up.

After all, you’re having a relationship with him, not his mobile.

If you suspect he isn’t that keen I would back off and, frustrating though it is, wait for him to chase YOU.

Q: My girlfriend broke up with me because I made a stupid mistake and cheated on her. I’m in no way over her but think going on some dates may help. How long should I wait before going on Tinder or POF?

A: I have no idea what POF is but if you are looking for a serious relationship I would avoid Tinder unless sex is all you’re after.

Rather than throw yourself randomly back into dating, are you sure you cannot build any bridges with your girlfriend?

Were you unfaithful to her?

I’m not sure going on dates will help until you have at least made peace with her and decided not to repeat whatever the stupid mistake was.

Why not try finding someone the ‘old fashioned’ way – have your friends got anyone they could introduce you to? Could you join something, take up a new hobby and strike up a genuine friendship – and a more likely longer lasting relationship – that way?

Q: My ex who suddenly and cruelly dumped me for no reason by text is now wanting to be friends. Is she having a laugh?

A: Are you sure there was no reason? No sign that things weren’t going well? Did her behaviour towards you begin to change? Did you pay her less attention?

Dumping someone by text is pretty childish and in a way an indication that it was a spur of the moment thing.

I agree with another poster who suggests that there may have been someone else in the picture who has now dumped her.

I can tell by the way you phrased the question that you are still deeply angry and if you feel like that she would have to be someone incredibly special to want to reignite your relationship.

Only you can answer that one, but in your shoes, I’d give her a wide berth. I’d say something like, “well there’s no point in being enemies but I’m really busy right now” and leave it like that.

Q: Is it too creepy and clingy if I text my wife 10+ messages every day to tell her that I love her and to thank her for being my wife?

 A: Lots of people would certainly think so. And they would also suspect that these ‘loving’ messages are your way of keeping tabs on her.

Do you expect her to respond to these messages?

I’m assuming you do this at work which must surely break your concentration from what you are supposed to be doing.

Why can you not tell her in person. I’m assuming you live in the same house?

I understand that some people love to show their affection many times a day and that’s fine if your wife is also happy with that.

Your question should really be addressed to her.

And if you are terrified of losing her, the sooner you sit down and talk – in person – the better.

Q: Is it bad if I won’t text a girl (that I’m into) because I think we should talk more in person before texting?

A: Whilst I write (often!) that texting is no substitute for a ‘real’ relationship, if you haven’t started dating yet, texting is a relatively risk free way of testing the waters and flirting without the full sting of rejection if things don’t go well.

It sounds like me that you are making excuses to avoid any potential rejection but the problem is whilst you are waiting for the ‘right’ moment or situation or date night with music and flowers, someone else might whisk her away right under your nose.

Seriously, what harm is there in a text asking her for a coffee or a date?

You don’t need to go mad but you do need to signal your interest clearly.

If she doesn’t respond or show any interest then you know not to waste any more time pining for her.

Q:Do people truly understand that a man who makes a lot of money truly can prevent a woman from leaving him?

A: No he can’t. Unless he locks her away somewhere. Not every woman is impressed by a man’s money or power. Many women would prefer to earn their own money, power and prestige.

There are some women who will stay for a man for the material things he can provide but that shouldn’t be confused with love because, if the money dries up, off the women go.

I’m not quite sure about the basis for your question – it sounds as if you are having an affair and she has a wealthy husband?

How would you have responded to the questions on this week’s problem page? I’d love to know.

You can find more dating advice from your agony aunt online in these posts:-

Dating:  11 Ways To Tell They’re Really Into You

 6 Signs Your Dating Buddy Isn’t On Your Side

32 Ways To Tell They’re Just Not That Into You

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