In this week’s problem page from your agony aunt online – should you tell your ex you still love them, why would an ex get in touch just to be nasty and can you make a relationship work when you both work crazy hours?
If you would like any advice, just message me or add a comment at the end of this post and I will answer selected questions on this problem page.
Here are this week’s questions.
Q: I told a guy I liked him, he said he respects my emotions but he doesn’t see me in that way. What should I do?
A: You keep your dignity intact and move on. Chasing rarely works – I’m old fashioned enough to believe that men still prefer to do the chasing and whilst they will accept a woman who ‘hands them everything on a plate’, they would prefer to be the conqueror, not the conquered.
At least the guy was honest with you.
I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear but you deserve someone who loves you the way you love them – you’re too good to be anybody’s second best.
Q: Will my ex-girlfriend come back to me?
My ex girlfriend of 9 months broke up with me 2 weeks ago. At first she didn’t give me a reason other than she wants to go out and party. She’s 39 and doesn’t have custody of her kids. I have custody of my 11 year old son. I was really starting to feel like we might have a future someday. Just weeks before she broke up with me we were making plans for the future like trips,and talking about spending time together on the holidays again . It took me by complete surprise. I miss her,and I don’t really understand what has happened here,but a big part of me hopes she comes back. Also I should mention we work together which I thought at first I wouldn’t be able to handle, but it hasn’t been that bad.
A: I suspect her looming 40th birthday is playing a HUGE part in this – it’s a pretty hefty milestone for many women and I’m not surprised she wants to go partying. My other question to you is have you talked about having children together? 40 is the age when the biological clock ticks really loudly for lots of women – is she missing her kids? What is the relationship between her and your son like?
You say you have been talking but talking about holidays isn’t really talking and it sounds like you need to sit down somewhere together and talk about the really serious stuff.
At 39 she’s not really a ‘girlfriend’ any more – she’s a partner. Semantics possibly but it hints to me that perhaps you are a bit commitment shy?
I think there’s a lot to unravel here so if you want to keep her (and the fact that she is OK working with you is cause for hope), you need to start talking and fast.
A: It depends on your respective personalities. It sounds as if you are both ambitious and driven and that may be what has attracted you to each other.
That can be a good thing you know – I regularly answer questions from frustrated partners who wish their significant other would show a bit of oomph and do something with their life.
You can make it work if you prioritise time for each other and ring fence it. Having worked in the legal field for over 15 years, (as a marketing director), I know only too well that to be a successful lawyer you’ll need to keep the partners happy – as well as your own partner and as long as your boyfriend understands that you should be fine.
But am I sensing that you feel conflicted about the relationship not because you don’t think it will work out but because you want to be free to concentrate on developing your career?
If that’s the case, then you have some talking to do. I think you should share your concerns with your boyfriend and see whether he feels the same and how he sees things working between you.
His work might be more boom and bust to begin with until he builds up his client base so he might have more time on his hands than you will.
How will he feel about possibly being on his own a lot?
You need to ask him.
How would you have responded to the questions on this week’s problem page? I’d love to know.
You can find more dating advice from your agony aunt online in these posts:-
Dating: 11 Ways To Tell They’re Really Into You
