Problem Page Edition 49 – 2017

In this week’s problem page from your agony aunt online – when you can’t stop obsessively texting your ex and when his closest girl friend just doesn’t want to know you.

Blue river flowing through a snowy ravine - Mother Distracted Problem Page From Agony Aunt & Relationship Coach Linda Hobbis

If you would like any advice, just message me or add a comment at the end of this post and I will answer selected questions on this problem page.

Here are this week’s questions.

Q: Why does my girlfriend treat me worse than she treats acquaintances, or even enemies?

A: I have another, and far more relevant question for you. Why do you let her?

This sounds like a nightmare relationship where either your girlfriend has problems processing her emotions and can only relate to you by trying to seem superior and putting you down, or she really doesn’t want to be with you.

Putting up with this behaviour is helping neither you nor her. I am hoping there is no violence involved.

Frankly, I would tell her you’ve had enough and move on or, if you can’t do this, tell her in no uncertain terms how you expect her behaviour to change and by when – if she doesn’t change, then it’s time to go.

I think you need to work on your own self esteem and self confidence to ensure you don’t repeat this pattern in your next relationship.

Q: My boyfriend has a girl best friend and they are so close. I tried to befriend her but my boyfriend told me that she doesn’t want to get involved in our relationship. Did I act immaturely?

A: No you didn’t and to be honest I’m a little suspicious about your boyfriend’s reaction.

If she is really just a friend then what does it matter if you two become friends?

How do you know she doesn’t want to? Is this all being relayed to you via your boyfriend?

You’ve done nothing wrong, although I would say if your intent was to befriend her to split up their friendship, and that’s obvious, then I wouldn’t be surprised she doesn’t want to be friends.

In your shoes I’d be asking my boyfriend what exactly is going on between them and, if it’s all innocent, what the problem with the three of you being friends is.

Q:  Should a depressed person allow themselves to date (assuming they really would like to give girls a chance)? What does giving girls a legitimate chance mean to you?

A: I can see you are conflicted about how your depression might affect a potential partner.

That’s understandable and, before you find a partner, I would take steps to deal with the depression – have you? Have you seen a doctor or counsellor? Do you have a good support network of friends and family to support you?

I’m not sure what you mean by ‘give girls a chance’? Are you are a little conflicted about your sexuality or have you not had a relationship before?

I really think you need to deal with your depression first so that you can enter the dating world with confidence and support.

Q: Why could my ex sleep with me, tell me how much he loves and misses me, tell me that he thinks of me everyday, and then not call me? I feel so dumb. He knows the way I am, so why would he lead me on like this?

A: The sad answer is, because he could. Some men will say anything for sex and it sounds like that’s all he wanted and sweet talked you into getting it.

It sounds as if he has decided that he doesn’t want to return to your relationship after all.

You are not dumb but it’s time to get angry. You must tell yourself you are worth more than this and if he rings again say, sorry, I have a date (even if you don’t ) or “I’ve got too much going on right now to talk. You’re clearly not sure what you want so I can’t see the point in us being in touch”.

Call his bluff. Don’t play the victim.

By the sound of it, he isn’t worth a single minute more of your time anyway.

You will find someone new – and better – trust me.

Q: How can I know if the girl I like is playing hard to get or just wants me to be on her “waiting list”?

A: What on earth would you want to be on ANYBODY’s waiting list?

If she isn’t returning your smile, making an effort to talk to you, glancing at you or generally being nice then she’s not interested.

I’m not sure girls have ‘waiting lists’.

If this one does, I’d get off it right away and find someone who IS interested in you to date.

Q: How do I stop obsessively texting my ex-boyfriend? I don’t even want him back.

A: Firstly, if you DID want him back, obsessively texting him will be doing a pretty good job of ensuring that never happens.

What is it that you are texting? Are you being abusive or insulting? Are you pleading with him to come back?

I’m not sure I believe you when you say you don’t want him back.

Take a deep breath and delete his number from your phone and remove him from your social media accounts.

That’s what you need to do before you make a fool of yourself.

If you are really struggling to cope with the break up and it is affecting your mental health, then please talk to someone to get help with dealing with these feelings.

There is absolutely no shame in feeling gutted and as if the bottom has fallen out of your world when you break up with someone but, whilst wallowing for a short while is allowed, it sounds as if your behaviour is getting a little out of control.

Talk to friends or family or even your doctor to get the support you need.

You can find more dating advice from your agony aunt online in these posts:-

Dating:  11 Ways To Tell They’re Really Into You

 6 Signs Your Dating Buddy Isn’t On Your Side

32 Ways To Tell They’re Just Not That Into You

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10 Comments on "Problem Page Edition 49 – 2017"

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Kayleigh
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Never read a problem page like this before & I have really enjoyed the read. Good advice x

Fiona Maclean
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This takes me back to the problem pages on Jackie magazine. Actually some sound advice – and somehow always fascinating to read!

Hannah denton
Guest

This is Intense. I imagine very helpful to someone in the same situation. Must be tricky.

Rachel
Guest

Oh gosh the waiting list one made me equally annoyed and equally angry, why would anyone want to be treated that way? x

Anosa
Guest

I am loving this page, I am so nosy and always wanting answers to questions I wouldn’t ask or asked long time ago.

Ana De- Jesus
Guest

I too would be suspicious about the guy who dosen’t want his girlfriend to befriend his friend who is a girl too . I would assume there was something to hide! On another note I have a question for you ‘ why do I always like the guys who are clearly not interested in me and am not attracted to nice guys who actually like me’? It really frustrates me!

Yeah Lifestyle
Guest

Loving your Aunt Agony page, so many interesting questions and you have answered them all well and adequately

Amanda Millie
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This is awesome, I love that you take the time to answer these questions and help people along the way. It’s a beautiful thing to do, and to be honest sometimes you need to hear the truth from a stranger than from those closest to you.

hannah
Guest

I really like how you have done a problem page. Haven’t seen one of these in ages

Michelle Twin Mum
Guest

My word, it worries me that so many people have these kinds of dilemmas going round their heads. Surely love and dating isn’t supposed to be so complex and as for a waiting list, its the first I’ve ever heard of one! lol