In this week’s problem page from your online relationship coach – when he didn’t give you anything for Christmas, how long to wait for a proposal and when he has hit you.
If you would like any advice, just message me or add a comment at the end of this post and I will answer selected questions on this problem page.
Here are this week’s questions.
Q: Is it shallow of me to break up with my boyfriend because he didn’t get me anything for Christmas? I asked him why he didn’t at least get me a card and he said he just ‘didn’t think to do it’.
A: Unless he was in prison, in a coma or is completely broke, there is absolutely no reason why he couldn’t get you something. The simple truth has to be he just didn’t want to and couldn’t be bothered.
Personally I think you are entirely justified in dumping him for someone who treats you with some respect.
It’s not about the money, but it IS about consideration for your feelings.
A: Not if he wants to stay in a relationship with her.
If her body odours are really that offensive then raising the issue with kindness and tact MAY be appropriate depending on your relationship to her.
But using the language of your question would be hurtful and mean.
Q: Why does my girlfriend disrespect me by sleeping while I’m talking, but she always calls me and claims that she loves me? She won’t let me go in words, but in actions she rejects me. What happened?
A: Perhaps the girl just wants some sleep and is fed up by you waking her up to talk? Are you sure you aren’t being a little too needy and always demanding attention?
For the time being I think you need to take what your girlfriend says at face value and believe her – but if you keep waking her up to demand that she talks to you, I doubt she’ll be around for long.
Q: How long is too long to wait for a proposal? I’ve been with my partner for 3.5 years, we are both in our early 30’s and our relationship is good.
A: Has marriage ever been discussed? Does your partner know you are waiting for the proposal? I’m not quite sure why you have waited so long to talk about it.
After over 3 years I think the impetus has probably gone, particularly if you are already living together.
All you can do is raise the issue and see where you stand, being prepared that your partner might be perfectly happy with things the way things are.
Q: If a married man doesn’t act on his attraction on someone, does that simply mean he’s not attracted to the person enough?
A: No – it means that he values his marriage and cares for his spouse. We don’t stop finding other people attractive when we get married but this doesn’t mean we’d throw it all away for a fling.
If you’re wondering whether the married man in question would leave his wife for you, unfortunately, most of the time they don’t.
Far better to find someone single – and free to love you back.
Q: I have just ended a relationship with a narcissist as he’d cheated on me with another woman. I have already told her twice about his deceptive ways. Should I tell her that he is a narcissist that perpetually lies?
A: No – because he is no longer your concern, is he? Why go out of your way to deliberately hurt her when your beef is with him?
If he is a narcissist (which is a term often wrongly used to describe someone who treats us badly), then doing this will be really pandering to his ego and he’s probably thinking “look at those women fighting over me”.
Time to let this one go.
Q: He hit me. But he apologised and I know he loves me and wants me to forget that episode. What should I do?
A: Lots of people would say “the first time he hits me is the last time” and walk away. It doesn’t bode well, does it? And there is never an excuse.
Abused women frequently ‘love’ their partners but this love is a subjugation to that partner’s control and dominance.
Has he made sure, for example, that you are no longer in contact with friends and family?
Does he dictate what you wear, where you go, how much money you have?
This really isn’t something you should be asking the internet. You need to seek some professional advice and counsel from close friends and family.
Please don’t be reluctant because his hitting you is a reflection of what a bastard he is, not you.
You can find more dating advice from your online relationship coach in these posts:-
Midlife mum from Cardiff. Wine Imbiber. Likes glitter, fluff and olives. Approaching tweendom with Caitlin (11) and Ieuan (10). The husband is hiding in the loft.
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