In problem page edition 2 of 2018 from your online relationship coach – when a narcissist gives you all your gifts back, when you think she’s been cheating after 7 years together and when he’s jealous of the man you kissed before you even met him.
If you would like any advice, just message me or add a comment at the end of this post and I will answer selected questions on this problem page.
Here are this week’s questions.
Q: Why has my ex-lover contacted me after several months?
A: I’m assuming this is via social media or text – in which case they may just be testing the waters to see how you’ll react.
They may want to resume some kind of friendship or they may want you back.
You’ll have to get in touch with them (if you want to) and find out why they contacted you.
If you never want to hear from them again, it’s time to block and delete.
You don’t have to keep their number on your phone, do you?
A: Firstly, if you think that telling them you like them will make them angry, then run for the hills – because that is definitely NOT a normal reaction.
Secondly, declaring your feelings always comes with some risk. If this person goes out of their way to talk to you, smiles at you, jokes with you, makes every effort to spend time with you, can’t stop looking at you ….. then there’s every chance they feel the same way.
If they do none of these things or, worse, show irritation or anger when you’re about, then I would move on and quickly.
Q: Why would a narcissist (friendship) give back all your gifts? What’s the message they are trying to tell me?
A: It seems like they want nothing more to do with you and don’t want your gifts around to remind them of you.
It’s a very cruel and childish act and in your shoes I would remove them from your life as soon as possible.
You really don’t need unkind people like this in your life.
Q: I haven’t seen my girlfriend in three weeks. Next time I see her I want to kiss her, but I don’t know how to approach it. What should I do?
A: If you’re unsure how to kiss this girl, are you sure she is your girlfriend? It all sounds very formal – and cold but perhaps it is a cultural thing?
You could venture a warm smile and a hug FIRST and then that may develop naturally into a kiss.
You could tell her that you have missed her and see how she reacts.
By the sound of it you really don’t know this girl very well and you’d be better off working on your friendship first to see where things go.
Q: Would you break up with someone that always points out features about yourself you’re insecure about?
A: Yes I would – who wants to spend time with a fault-finding, unsupportive critic? It sounds quite a passive-aggressive behaviour – is this person angry and judgemental with everyone?
At any rate, this is not the behaviour of a true friend, nor someone who has your interests at heart.
I’d give them a wide berth.
Q: How do I end my 7-year relationship with her when I know she is cheating on me, but I don’t have proof?
A: Do you want to end the relationship or not if you are so sure? The mature thing to do is to sit down and confront her with your suspicious.
If you don’t have proof you need to be very careful in case you are wrong.
Depending on her reaction you can then decide whether or not you can get over this together or whether it is time to move on.
If you are absolutely certain, frankly, I’d tell her you know but you will still need to make the decision about staying or going – and only you can do that.
Q: My boyfriend of 2 years and a half broke up with me because he found out I kissed another guy before him, what should I do?
A: Is your boyfriend the jealous type because that’s ridiculous. Who you kissed before you were an item is none of his business.
Why has this arisen now though, after two and a half years? How did he find out? I’m wondering if he has just used this as an excuse to break up because normal guys would not be bugged by this.
I think you will be better off without this one.
I hope you enjoyed Problem Page Edition 2. You can find more dating advice from your online relationship coach in these posts:-
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Midlife mum from Cardiff. Wine Imbiber. Likes glitter, fluff and olives. Approaching tweendom with Caitlin (11) and Ieuan (10). The husband is hiding in the loft.
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