In problem page edition 6 of 2018 from your online relationship coach – when you don’t trust him at parties, when you catch him on Tinder and he denies it and when your ex is still calling your mother to complain about you.
If you would like any advice, just message me or add a comment at the end of this post and I will answer selected questions on this problem page.
A: Two possibilities. She doesn’t know how to use Instagram or she has changed her mind about giving you access to her account.
There are better ways to chase a crush than stalking them on social media, you know.
If she is single just ask her out on a date – her answer will tell you everything you need to know and then you won’t have to waste any more time second guessing her behaviour on instagram.
If she isn’t single, I wouldn’t waste any more time – find someone else who has no qualms about letting you follow them on Instagram.
A: Let me get this straight. Your definition of a best friend is someone who swears, is rude and slaps both you and others?
This girl sounds as if she has major issues and I would think very seriously about continuing your friendship.
Nobody should put up with being hit.
If there is something specific causing this behaviour (drink, drugs, abuse by others, bullying) and you know what this is then you should help her by talking to a trusted friend or family member for support.
Bear in mind that you will be judged by the company you keep and if she’s on a path of bad behaviour, I would get a new friend.
Incidentally if she’s horrible to you, you don’t need to explain yourself or give any reason for ending the friendship.
Tell her you won’t put up with it any more and that’s it.
A: As much abuse as they are prepared to put up with.Who is in control here?
If the ‘man-child’ is living rent free with all meals provided and his laundry done then I would have absolutely no qualms in telling him that while he lives under your roof rent free (and I hope you ARE charging him rent), then he abides by YOUR rules and if he doesn’t like it then off he goes to stand on his own two feet.
The same applies to the girlfriend. If you don’t want her there (and I’m assuming you mean they are having sex under your roof), then you stand firm and say the girlfriend is not welcome to stay over.
That might give him the rocket he needs to sort out some independent accommodation.While you’re funding his love nest and putting up with his behaviour he is not going anywhere.
Parenting is about doing what’s best for the kids – not being their best friend.It’s an easy trap to fall into but no matter how much moaning he does it’s time to put your foot down – and keep it there.
A: I would be wary. Lots of people aren’t good on their own and, in the event of a break-up, will look for ‘any port in a storm’.
It may be he is looking to come back or he might just be looking for “friends with benefits” whilst he finds someone new.
Given he dumped you the first time round I would be very cautious.
In any case, after 1.5 years, hasn’t your life moved on? I certainly hope so. A coffee ‘for old times sake’ may seem like a safe idea but only if you’re not still hurting and are hoping to rekindle something he has no intention of rekindling.
A: Saying you want him to ‘live his life’ is very noble but people don’t need our permission to live their lives the way they want.
I can see you feel very torn.
You say you don’t want to control him but if you are watching him like a hawk at parties and interrogating him, or snooping through his phone or social media, then that would be controlling behaviour.
Is he a flirt? What reason has he given you to distrust him other than being in a room with other girls – which is just as likely to happen at work (where you probably can’t see him) as it is at a party (where presumably you can).
If there IS something then you have to call him out on it – tell him his behaviour is making you uncomfortable. Ask him where he thinks your relationship is going. Set some boundaries.
Have any of your friends hinted that something about his behaviour is off? Do they like him? Do your family?
Is it possible that this is all in your head?
If there ISN’T anything, then you need to build your self confidence and get to grips with your jealousy before he does run off with one of the party girls.
If he is making you miserable it’s time to focus on you, your interests, your career, hopes, aspirations and finding a man you can trust, not a boy you can’t.
A: Personally I would assume he has something to hide. It’s not impossible, of course, for someone to be in a happy, committed relationship and still occasionally have a look at dating sites – but it is highly unlikely.
I would assume, sadly, he is lining up his next conquest. Is there anything else about his behaviour that would support this?
New clothes? late back from work? spending more time with his mates? Hiding his phone or social media accounts.
I think it might be time to let this one go – and if he has been cheating, remove his sorry backside from your life.
A: I hope your mother is telling him to go away in no uncertain terms and is fighting your corner.
The man clearly has issues and is unwilling to accept any guilt related to dumping you – by blaming you.
That’s deeply immature and not a little odd.
I would tell him clearly that he is to leave your family alone and to stop harassing your mother or further action will be taken (you don’t need to specify what but go to the police if his behaviour is threatening or making your mum uncomfortable).
Your mother needs to stop taking his calls and block his number – or change hers.
Is there an older male in the family or your social network who could offer a bit of support?
Bullies (which is what he is) are cowards and when told to jog on by an older, wiser male, normally turn on their heels and run.
Don’t put up with it for a day longer.
I hope you enjoyed Problem Page Edition 6. You can find more dating advice from your online relationship coach in these posts:-
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Midlife mum from Cardiff. Wine Imbiber. Likes glitter, fluff and olives. Approaching tweendom with Caitlin (11) and Ieuan (10). The husband is hiding in the loft.
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