In problem page edition 8 of 2018 from your online relationship coach – when your girlfriend asks you about your will, whether you should befriend his new girlfriend, when you want your ex back but your current girlfriend thinks you love her and whether narcissists like to talk about themselves.
If you would like any advice, just message me or add a comment at the end of this post and I will answer selected questions on this problem page.
A: Do you really need to be? It’s a really mature attitude if you are still friends with him and you are asking how to incorporate her into your life too.
Or is it really the case that you want to befriend her to get HIM back?
I would expect her to be very wary about befriending her current boyfriend’s ex so it’s going to be tricky.
If you are genuinely interested in getting to know her then show an interest in the things she is interested in. Ask about her, rather than focus on her relationship with him.
If it’s her relationship with your ex you’re really interested in, you can bet she’ll spot it a mile off – and avoid you.
And I think you would be happier finding new friends to go out and have fun with – without the shadow of your ex looming nearby.
A: Your ex is happy with her new husband – whether or not she is truly a ‘narc’ as you put it.
It does seem as if the relationship happened very quickly, but sometimes, unfortunately, that’s life.
I never understand why those who speak of their ‘narc’ exes are always so keen to get them back – because you are, aren’t you?
I have no idea what ‘love bombing’ is – I’m guessing that heightened state of affection we naturally show to a new partner. And yet, people truly in love can show that amount of love and affection until their dying day.
You have no idea how their relationship will turn out but she is presumably living in another country.
Your obsession with this isn’t doing you any good and will certainly not bring her back.
It would be far healthier for you to grieve the loss of your relationship properly – get some counselling if you are struggling to move on – and then focus on finding someone ‘new’ for you.
And seek a ‘real’ relationship not one couched in the pop psychology terminology of narcissism and ‘love bombing’.
A: Yes I think it is. This is a girl who is clearly angling for commitment and, depending on your financial circumstances, a comfortable lifestyle.
My answer to her would have been a swift “I’m leaving everything to my kids” – she can’t really argue with that.
In any case it is absolutely none of her business and in your shoes, I think I’d be so put off, I’d be asking myself whether I seriously wanted to take the relationship any further.
A: If you want to prove you are not in love with your current girlfriend, you have to leave your current girlfriend.
Actions speak louder than words.
Besides you are being incredibly unfair to your current girl if you don’t love her.
I also wonder whether your ex is still in love with you or whether she is just jealous. Will she rush to your side again when she sees there is no longer any competition?
There is only one way to sort this out. Leave your current girlfriend and ask your ex back out.
Just make sure you are clear where your affections really lie and don’t continue messing two women around.
A: He is asking, in a round about way, if you love him too. If you do, it sounds as if you need to tell him, clearly, and start being more affectionate before he assumes you don’t care and finds someone else.
If you don’t love him, then the kindest thing to do is to let him go anyway.
A: Part of growing up, unfortunately, is doing what you have to do. In an ideal world you would choose to do whatever you like but life’s not like that.
It’s concentrating AT school and getting good grades that will give you the eventual freedom to choose what you want to do and get well paid for it.
Let THAT be your motivation.
A: Narcissism is a recognised psychological disorder, not, as it seems to be used by those unhappy in love, a term for someone who has been unkind to them.
The chances of you having met a true narcissist are remote but if you did then narcissism is an unhealthy love for the self, so they probably would.
In any case, everyone loves to talk about themselves – so that is hardly a diagnosis – just a relatively normal behaviour.
I hope you enjoyed Problem Page Edition 8. You can find more dating advice from your online relationship coach in these posts:-
Midlife mum from Cardiff. Wine Imbiber. Likes glitter, fluff and olives. Approaching tweendom with Caitlin (11) and Ieuan (10). The husband is hiding in the loft.
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