A long lasting relationship isn’t just about meeting the right person, you both need to understand each other’s needs, figure out how to change and keep the romance alive. Though you might not spend the rest of your life together, any long term relationship is a serious dedication to one person.
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Unlike in the movies where lovers come together at the end, your relationship is the start of a new chapter. There are no set rules and no specific paths to follow, but there are a few things you should be doing, or willing to do, to keep your romance going. If you are worried about your relationship, here is some advice for you both to think about.
The best relationships are always built on a foundation of trust and friendship but this is completely impossible if you don’t listen to each other. Talking is easy but listening, and listening properly, takes more effort. You need to be willing to listen to your partner’s needs and issues, even when it’s difficult to understand or you have conflicting opinions. Listening is always the first step to a resolution.
Disagreement is a normal part of any relationship, but you need to remember that in order for you to find a resolution, you need to listen to what is being said and be clear about what your intentions and needs are yourself. Shouting and accusing each other won’t work, instead be calm, and tackle any issues before they explode. Be open and kind and you will almost certainly argue less.
While you should never go into a relationship thinking that you can change someone, you do need to be realistic about the way that people mature and change. You might have aligned ideas and principles now, but in the future that could change.
For example, let’s say you are a smoker and this isn’t an issue to begin with. But, as the months go on and you start talking more seriously about your relationship and where you are going, the smoking does become a problem for your partner. Are you willing to consider quitting? Would you think about the benefits of smoking vs vaping?
Being willing to change and develop in your relationship is a healthy thing, but you should also be aware of what is going too far and demanding too much. But only you can decide where to draw that line.
In the beginning when it’s all dates, chocolates and roses, the romance is easy and tangible in your relationship. But, as time goes on and you settle down, this honeymoon period elapses. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing as this is the time you are likely to think about a family, but you still need to put your relationship first – at least every so often.
Try setting date nights or surprising each other with a treat to keep your romance alive. It doesn’t need to be anything extravagant, just a gesture that says I love you is enough.
Midlife mum from Cardiff. Wine Imbiber. Likes glitter, fluff and olives. Approaching tweendom with Caitlin (11) and Ieuan (10). The husband is hiding in the loft.
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