Problem Page Edition 10 – 2018

In problem page edition 10 of 2018 from your online relationship coach – how to find out if your ex has a new girlfriend if he hasn’t announced it on social media, whether your ex will come back if he blocks you on social media and what’s the difference between a narcissist and a mid life crisis?

Problem page edition 10 - pink flowers and macaroons

If you would like any advice, just message me or add a comment at the end of this post and I will answer selected questions on this problem page.

Here are the questions for problem page edition 10.

Q Is karma really true for cheating ex-boyfriends? I found out from someone that my long distance boyfriend got someone pregnant and she is about to give birth while we are still together.

A: This all sounds a bit of a mess, doesn’t it? Your long distance boyfriend is about to become a father whilst with you.

Forgive me but that suggests that although you consider yourself to be in a long distance relationship, he has been playing away with someone at home?

That, I’m afraid, is the general risk of a long-distance relationship.

I hope you have seen sense enough to tell him it is over. In any case, I suspect his interest may well lie with his partner and the new baby.

It is not a question of karma. It is a question of you making better choices in your next relationship and finding someone to love, who truly loves you back, at home.

Time to let this one go.

Q: A girl I was dating got jealous, angry, and was rude and short with me. Why couldn’t she just say sorry after she knew she was wrong?

A: Some people just can’t admit they’re wrong. But it sounds like she didn’t believe your explanation and doesn’t believe she’s wrong.

It’s normal for couples to row you know. If you want to last the distance you will have to learn to sit down and talk about your disagreements, to compromise and to understand that there are some behaviours that the other one won’t be happy with.

If you have been flirting openly with other girls then it’s entirely understandable that she will feel jealous.

And what she really wrong? Your question sounds rather defensive you know.

Either way I think there is a clear red flag here which suggest to me that you two aren’t really compatible -nor do you sound particularly interested.

I would part company and not waste any more time on childish disputes.

Q: How can you tell your ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend but he doesn’t post it on social media?

A: Stalking his social media to try to find evidence that he has a new girlfriend is not going to make you happy.

Why should he announce it to all and sundry? Harsh though it may seem, it is nobody’s business but his and his new partner.

I can tell you are hurting but this isn’t going to help you to move on. Chances are he will have someone new at some point but rather than waste time trying to find out who she is, look after yourself and think about who you would like to date next.

If it helps unfollow, block etc all his social media accounts. Delete his number from your phone.

Think about your next boyfriend.

Q: What is the difference between a midlife crisis and being a narcissist?

A: One is a phase of life and the other is a psychological illness that needs to be properly diagnosed by a qualified psychologist or doctor.

People are not ‘narcissists’ because they do things we don’t like. Midlife is a time of revisiting who we are, what we want out of the second half of our life and who we want to spend it with.

It can be very tough for the person themselves and those around them.

Narcissists love only themselves. People going through midlife crisis are often desperate for love and reassurance that they are still attractive, desirable and wanted.

The two are completely different.

Q: When your ex blocks you after a fight, is he going to come back? I miss him a lot and he always stalks my social media and then blocks me again.

A: This is either incredibly childish behaviour, or passive-aggressive behaviour which, frankly, I would not want in my life. It’s a form of control. Do what I say. Think what I think or I will cut you out of my life.

I’m assuming he’s older than 13 in which case he has some serious issues which, if I were you, I’d make sure I left behind as quickly as possible.

Stop stalking his social media and giving him the satisfaction of knowing you are desperate for his ‘approval’.

In your shoes I’D block, unfollow, delete and change my phone number because I can’t see a happy relationship coming out of this.

Surely you want a man as a partner, and not a child?

Q:  Is it a good idea to be in a friends with benefits relationship with your ex after a year of breakup? (A bit of feelings are there from both sides.)

A: Of course it isn’t. You had a relationship which didn’t work and now, rather than find someone who is right for you, you have each settled for friendship with the convenience of no strings sex.

This will work right until one of you falls in love again and leaves, leaving the other to go through the break-up all over again.

A ‘bit of feelings’ is probably due to the fact that you are comfortable with each other and know what to expect.

But what a waste when romance, passion, friends and adventure could be right outside your door.

If HE instigated this arrangement, frankly I’d get busy with your own life and get back on the dating scene.

Who wants to be anybody’s second best?

I hope you enjoyed Problem Page Edition 10. You can find more dating advice from your online relationship coach in these posts:-

Dating:  11 Ways To Tell They’re Really Into You

 6 Signs Your Dating Buddy Isn’t On Your Side

32 Ways To Tell They’re Just Not That Into You

Problem Page 10 - pink flowers and macaroons

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linda

Ex marketing professional turned family lifestyle blogger. I live in Cardiff with hubby Mat, Caitlin (10) and Ieuan (8).

Find me on: Twitter | Facebook

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Vikki Holness
Guest

Fantastic advice here for problems that all couples face at some point in their lives. I will definitely be returning for any of your future problem pages! x

MissPond
Guest

I don’t think cheating should be seen as a risk of long term relationship… It’s a risk in any surely. But you shouldn’t assume someone will cheat! Although I definitely agree you should never cling on to an ex, even if in friends with benefits way. My rule has always been you can’t be friends with an ex.

Sarah
Guest

Fantastic advice as always. I definitely agree that you can’t be friends with an ex,
apart from those boyfriends you had at primary school! Haha

Jenny
Guest

Friends with ex-s is tricky. It’s nice to remain friends and be mature about a break up but really difficult when feelings run high.

Rebecca
Guest

Interesting discussions here. I think that the question about rowing was the best for me. I can be short and rude with my partner very often. He may or may not deserve it and I will never admit I’m wrong. We each slam a door, walk away and get over it. It’s just part of a relationship! Everyone argues because everyone is an individual

Bethany
Guest

I love how direct you are with your answers, I grew up with ‘tough love’ and I think that’s the best way to grow. You really get straight to the point which is great

Kirsty
Guest

I love the answers you’ve give to the questions. I think relationships can be a minefield at the best of times without having social media to deal with as well. I think the blocking is just childish behaviour and you are right the best course of action is to get rid of them completely

Lauretta
Guest

Love reading all these! Relationships are complex. We all just need to stand our ground and make sure we don’t feel violated. Good relationships should bring out the best in us, not the worst.

Laura+Dove
Guest

Great advice here! It’s crazy how many issues stem from social media though in this day and age, it seems to bring so many relationships a lot of worry!

Leigh Travers
Guest

This is an interesting discussion, although I have to disagree with the point that cheating is a risk of a long-distance relationship. Distance doesn’t increase the chances of cheating at all, it’s down to the people in the relationship. If anything i think this advice could make people who are in a long distance relationship a little more anxious of this happening to them. Personally, I’ve just always cut loose from all of my exs and I honestly think that’s been for the best!

Hannah
Guest
Hannah

I definitely agree stalking them wont make you happy. In fact it just makes you feel worse