Problem Page Edition 9 2018

In problem page edition 9 of 2018 from your online relationship coach – when your mother-in-law doesn’t bother to knock before she enters your room, when you’ve been listening to music too loudly and are worried you’ve damaged your ears, and when his ex was the ‘outdoorsy’ type and he’s now obsessed with the great outdoors.

problem page edition 9 - couple's boots in the snow

If you would like any advice, just message me or add a comment at the end of this post and I will answer selected questions on this problem page.

Here are the questions for problem page edition 9.

Q Why doesn’t my mother-in-law ask or knock before entering our bedroom, and how do I make her understand that I don’t like it?

A: If you’re living in her house then, unfortunately, it’s her house and she can go where she pleases. This is, by the sound of it, a not too subtle power play to let you know she’s still the boss.

If it’s YOUR house then you have every right to ask her to respect your privacy. Get a lock put on the door!

Your first step here is to talk to your partner to see if they can find out what’s behind this pretty tactless behaviour.

Even if you are married, some people are uncomfortable about sex under their roof.

If you are in her house, I’m afraid the best solution is to find somewhere of your own as soon as you can afford it.

Q: I was listening to music pretty loud, and after I was done, my ear felt really weird and clogged. I couldn’t hear as well out of it as I could with my other ear. This is the first time it has ever happened. I’m 15 and my mum says it’s just wax, but I’m becoming worried. What could it be?

A: If you listen to music at a loud volume consistently there is a chance you will damage your hearing – particularly if you are wearing headphones.

You also risk giving yourself tinnitus.

If you do wear headphones and don’t clean the earbuds, it is possible you have given yourself an ear infection or that it is indeed wax.

Ask your mum to take you to the doctor for him to examine your ears to reassure yourself.

But for heaven’s sake, protect your ears and turn the volume down. If, when the music stops, your ears are buzzing, ringing or whistling this is a clear warning.

You’re young enough for your ears to recover but constant abuse will catch up with you sooner or later.

Q: What’s the best way to restart a text conversation with a girl after having no reply in 2 days (we are on holidays)?

A: Stop faffing about with texts and CALL her. That’s the only way you’ll find out if she’s really interested. Ask her for a date. If she says no then at least you’ll know and won’t waste any more time on texting – which tells you absolutely nothing.

Will you’re wondering what to do, some braver guy may well have got in before you and asked her out.

Q: If I write my ex-boyfriend a letter, would he come back?

A: Why would he? What do you hope to achieve by writing a letter?

In general, I think if men are truly interested they will do the chasing. If he has made no attempt to come back, to stay in touch, to contact you, then there is little hope that writing a letter will make any difference.

A better strategy would be a phone call to see if he would meet for a coffee. That way if he says no you have your answer.

If he IS interested, he won’t hesitate to say yes.

I can tell you are desperate to win him back but please don’t do so at a cost to your dignity and self esteem.

You would stand a better chance of winning him back with the attitude of “well it’s your loss sunshine” than you would with “my life is over unless you come back to me”.

I think you need to talk to a good friend or family member too for a bit of support and care.

Q: My boyfriend’s ex was very outdoorsy. Lately, he has become obssesed with outdoor activities. I think he’s doing these things because they remind him of her. Should I be worried?

A: I don’t think so. This may be his way of working things through in his own mind. Perhaps he now genuinely likes outdoor pursuits.

If you want to change things from ‘things he did with HER’ then these activities need to become things he does with YOU – don’t they?

You might need to put your boots on and join him.

But I certainly wouldn’t make an issue of it.

And when you say obsessed do you mean everyday? It’s not really an obsession if what you actually mean is he spends his time doing things you don’t enjoy, say, at the weekends.

Doing things together is the solution here.

Q:  If a parent narcissist projects transference into you as a physical object, how could I stop this assault on my perception?

A: I’m not sure I understand your question.

If you mean why does my parent ask me to do something I don’t want to do or why does my parent assume I am going to behave in a certain way then – it’s because they’re your parent.

Rather than wrap yourself up in psychobabble and assigning psychological syndromes to someone who probably just wants to talk to you and understand you, then the simplest thing is to tell them you’re unhappy and why.

If you are a grown adult and no longer living at home then, if the relationship makes you that unhappy, you have the choice not to continue it.

Talking to each other here is key.

I hope you enjoyed Problem Page Edition 9. You can find more dating advice from your online relationship coach in these posts:-

Dating:  11 Ways To Tell They’re Really Into You

 6 Signs Your Dating Buddy Isn’t On Your Side

32 Ways To Tell They’re Just Not That Into You

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linda

Ex marketing professional turned family lifestyle blogger. I live in Cardiff with hubby Mat, Caitlin (10) and Ieuan (8).

Find me on: Web | Twitter | Facebook

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KiraHannahLaura+DoveJoanna BayfordLaura - Dear Bear and Beany Recent comment authors
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fran back with a bump
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What a fab range of questions! The mother in law one made me laugh. I do remember my ex mother in law walking in on me and my ex-husband once before we got our own place! Eeek! Mind you the very thought of going there makes me want to vom!

Jenni
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These are a great range of questions, I couldn’t imagine living with my mother in law (I am quite glad that my husband has nothing to do with his mother – for very good reasons I might add).

Laura - Dear Bear and Beany
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Even if I was living with my inlaw’s or my own parents I would expect them to respect my privacy and not walk into our bedroom. This would horrify me!

Joanna Bayford
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Oh gosh I don’t think i could live with my in laws or my mum ever again either they would drive my crazy. I like this idea for a blog series

Laura+Dove
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The mother in law question made me laugh. We had this issue when we stayed with our inlaws when our house was being decorated! It was so weird!

Hannah
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Hannah

What an interesting range of questions! My MiL never walked into our room when we lived with them without knocking – she respected our need for privacy! xx

Kira
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Haha my mother in law…. well living with her would be my worst nightmare haha x