Problem Page Edition 16 – 2018

In problem page edition 16 of 2018 from your online relationship coach – whether it means he loves you if you always stay at his, when his bitchy best friend compares you to his ex – and it ain’t good – and when an elderly man keeps calling your sister but behaves like he’s smitten.

problem page edition 16 - woman holding man's hand pointing at clouds

If you would like any advice, just message me or add a comment at the end of this post and I will answer selected questions on this problem page.

Here are the questions for problem page edition 16.

Q: What should I do if my boyfriend is threatening to break up with me for the second time in a month over small things like the fact I don’t want to text him goodnight anymore?

A: It doesn’t exactly sound a happy relationship. He sounds like a control freak and you sound as if you really don’t want to be with him – otherwise texting goodnight would be a minor thing.

If this is the second time in a month then, to be honest, I’d cut my losses and find someone a good deal more mature.

Q: Does it mean my boyfriend loves me if he wants me to always stay over at his place?

A: If he always gets sex when you stay over then no, not necessarily. It all sounds rather too convenient, doesn’t it? Do you do any cooking/cleaning by any chance?

It could be a very good sign but in your shoes, I’d see if he is prepared to make a bit more effort to do the things you want to do – why can’t he stay at yours?

I always caution about giving everything away too soon or ‘on a plate’ because it’s a great way to kill the mystery and excitement stone dead.

If you’re feeling a bit uncomfortable, rushed or crowded, it’s perfectly OK to say – actually, tonight I just want to be in my own bed.

Q: My psychotherapist told me to stop comparing myself to other people. How is that different from my psychotherapist telling me to stop having obsessive thoughts?

A: Comparing yourself to others is a thought process you choose. An obsessive thought is one over which you have no control. Two very different things.

Comparing ourselves to others is a very natural human behaviour. It’s when we interpret the results as negative to ourselves that problems start.

It sounds as if your psychotherapist needs to be a lot clearer and give you a bit more guidance.

Q: Why is it that my wife has not experienced her period yet for the past 5 days but she feels a little abdominal pain? She took the Lydia contraceptive pills during her period, so what is causing the delay in her period now?

A: I’m curious that it is you who is asking the question and not your wife. Are you worried that she may be pregnant – which would certainly be a possibility. The contraceptive pill is not 100% reliable. If women have upset stomachs or, with some brands, don’t take it within a certain time frame, then pregnancy is a possibility.

Stress, however, will also disrupt a woman’s cycle.

You say she took the pills during her period – that is normal for some pills. You take them every day and you don’t have a period, as such, you have what is called a withdrawal bleed.

It is impossible to tell the exact reason for your wife’s delayed period but if she is worried she should see her GP. You can help her by trying not to add to her stress by fretting over this.

Her abdominal pain could simply be period pain which often occurs a little in advance of the bleed itself.

Diagnosis via internet, however, is really not the way to go.

Q: An elderly man calls me sister but behaves weirdly (over concerned, compliments often, nervous around my parents, wants to know every detail of mine). What should I do?

A: Tell your parents! This doesn’t sound quite right and you need to confide in a trusted adult.

Personally, I would avoid being alone in his company and refuse to answer personal questions. Just say “I don’t discuss personal matters like that” or something equally vague but firm.

You need to seek advice on this one – and not from the internet.

Q:  Why did my boyfriend reject me and is afraid to begin a relationship with me? He just never communicates with me at all.

A: I’m afraid it sounds as if he just isn’t interested. I’m not clear whether you mean he is a boy who is also a friend, or a ‘boyfriend’. If he doesn’t communicate with you then it’s time to move on.

Keep your dignity and leave this one go. There will be better boys out there.

Q: How do I stop obsessing over my boyfriend’s female friend negatively comparing my looks with his ex-girlfriend’s? She mentioned exactly what I was insecure about (nose and mouth) making me believe my insecurity is there for a reason.

A: What a nasty girl. It sounds to me as if she is jealous that she isn’t the current girlfriend. If she mentioned your nose and mouth, I’m sure somehow she picked up from you that these are the areas you are concerned with.

What does your boyfriend say about all this? I’d certainly be telling him that whilst his ‘friend’ is being so bitchy you really don’t want to spend any time in her company and he should decide where his loyalties lie.

If you really are lacking confidence in your looks then why not invest in a make-up book or see if you can have a free make-over in store. I’m sure the make-up staff will be able to suggest ways to enhance your nose and mouth (which I’ll bet are perfectly fine).

Only you can deal with your insecurities but your boyfriend needs to have a word with this horrid friend of his and you need to tell her to keep her opinions to herself.

Or utter the very useful phrase “well, you’re no oil painting yourself love”.

Try it. I imagine she’ll shut up like a clam.

How would you have responded to the questions on this week’s problem page? I’d love to know.

I hope you enjoyed Problem Page Edition 16. You can find more dating advice from your online relationship coach in these posts:-

Dating:  11 Ways To Tell They’re Really Into You

 6 Signs Your Dating Buddy Isn’t On Your Side

32 Ways To Tell They’re Just Not That Into You

Problem Page 10 - pink flowers and macaroons

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linda

Ex marketing professional turned family lifestyle blogger. I live in Cardiff with hubby Mat, Caitlin (10) and Ieuan (8).

Find me on: Web | Twitter | Facebook

12 Comments

  1. 10 May, 2018 / 3:38 pm

    Some of these questions made me feel very sad. But I would say most of us have been in relationships which we couldn’t see from the inside were not that great.

  2. 10 May, 2018 / 8:18 pm

    Some great advice given to the questions asked here. x

  3. 11 May, 2018 / 6:42 am

    What interesting questions although it’s sad that these things are troubling people x

  4. 11 May, 2018 / 7:58 am

    I think this segment can really help people deal with the issues in their lives with good advice. Some of the questions from this edition is alarming.

  5. 13 May, 2018 / 6:24 am

    Some interesting problems this week but great advice as always.

  6. 13 May, 2018 / 8:31 am

    Serious issues. I think it’s awesome that you’re doing this to be honest. A lot of people have questions that they feel comfortable asking anonymously. This is definitely helping out a lot.

  7. 13 May, 2018 / 12:30 pm

    Your advice is so great and straight to the point. I really do hope that these people face their problems head on.

  8. 13 May, 2018 / 9:47 pm

    Great responses as always! Comparison is the thief of joy and it can really make you feel down on yourself unnecessarily!

  9. Dannii
    14 May, 2018 / 4:25 pm

    Lots of great advice here. If someone is showing signs of being controls, it’s time to break away from that.

  10. Jem
    14 May, 2018 / 11:06 pm

    There are some really in depth advice given to some of the questions asked here.

  11. Jem
    14 May, 2018 / 11:06 pm

    There are some really in-depth and helpful advice in response to the questions here.

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