In problem page edition 18 of 2018 from your online relationship coach – when you don’t know what to do with your older admirer, when your mother in law starts drama on Facebook and when you can’t get your ex out of your head.
If you would like any advice, just message me or add a comment at the end of this post and I will answer selected questions on this problem page.
Here are the questions for problem page edition 18.
Q: How can I elegantly defuse this situation with my older male acquaintance who says he’s in love with me? I have always been honest about my feelings for him (none) and casually friendly. However, his wife dumped him and I think he’s losing it.
A: It’s a difficult situation but I think if you knew he was in love with him, the kindest thing would have been to extricate yourself from the relationship a long time ago.
By hanging on, you have unfortunately given him false hope. Some people are unable to hear the word ‘no’ and don’t get the message unless the response is backed up with action.
All you can do is tell him you feel sorry for his situation and, whilst you are willing to listen and be a shoulder to cry on, you will are not interested in anything more.
You might have to be quite firm and repeat this several times.
If it looks as if he still isn’t getting the message, that, hard though it is, I think you need to start being a bit busier and unavailable.
You could recommend that he talks to other friends or seeks legal advice or counselling.
Q: I haven’t seen my boyfriend in almost two weeks and I’ve been crying because I miss him. Is this a good thing?
A: Why have you not seen your boyfriend? If he is away on business and the absence was planned and discussed then yes it’s good that you have realised you do have feelings for him – although what is he doing to comfort you and make you feel better during his absence? Regular phone calls and texts at the least I hope.
If he has just vanished into thin air without contacting you then it is not good and it looks as if your feelings aren’t reciprocated.
Rather than create a romantic fantasy I’d be asking him some hard questions if he hasn’t been in touch.
Q: What do you do when a guy stops texting you? I’ve been hanging out with a guy from my job & we hung out Thursday. I told him I would text him when I made it home. I did & got no reply. It’s now Saturday.
A: He’s hardly stopped texting you, has he? It’s only been 2 days!! I think you need to step back a little and stop being so pushy or you might scare him off. Let him chase you for a bit. What did your text say after you ‘hung out’ on Thursday? Were you pushing him to set the date of your next meeting?
Since you work with this guy, surely you’ll have an opportunity to chat with him again on Monday?
I would play it cool and see how the land lies then. You’ll be able to gather from the way he behaves in work towards you whether or not he wants to date you or if he just sees you as a friend.
Q: How do I get rid of OCD that is about my ex-girlfriend?
A: Firstly, obsessive-compulsive disorder is a recognised psychological disorder so I am assuming that you haven’t been diagnosed with this and what you actually mean is that you can’t stop thinking about your ex.
That is, unlike OCD, entirely normal and when a relationship breaks up it is usual to go through a process almost like grieving a death.
You don’t say why you broke up (was it your fault?), nor how long it’s been since you split but you will find the internet awash with people struggling to cope with the same dilemma as you.
Distraction is best. Find a hobby. Get out there and meet new friends. Date other people.
If you think there may be a chance of reuniting with your ex then be brave and pick up the phone.
Sitting indoors on your own brooding isn’t going to help. If you are really struggling, talk to a good friend or family member or seek professional counselling. There is absolutely no shame in seeking help and doing everything you can for the best mental health.
Q: How do I start texting to a girl who I never talk to before?
A: Why don’t you talk to the girl and then text her. You’ll find your text is much more likely to be read and not deleted on the basis that she doesn’t know you and possibly finds your texting obstrusive.
In any case, if you haven’t talked to her, how have you got her phone number?
Hiding behind a mobile phone isn’t the way to get a good relationship, nor to appeal particularly attractive to the people you want to date.
At some point you have to actually talk to them.
Texting someone who doesn’t know you is just a little creepy, don’t you think?
Q: Is it normal that my boyfriend didn’t get me anything for my birthday?
A: It depends. If he absolutely knew it was your birthday and did nothing, then he’s a pretty crap boyfriend.
If he forgot your birthday then I would tell him you’re really upset and let it slide just this once – but it’s pretty inexcusable.
If he got you a card or acknowledged your birthday in some other way because he doesn’t have much money, then you probably shouldn’t complain.
Without knowing the full story, it’s hard to judge.
Q: My mother in law started drama on my Facebook, so my husband told me to block her, was it the right thing to do? She treated me like garbage at her house I don’t think I like her what should I do?
A: No. It wasn’t the right thing to do and your husband needs to man up and tell his mother that she should not be treating his wife like dirt.
Blocking is pretty immature behaviour and likely to throw fuel onto the flames and make things infinitely worse.
You don’t have to block, you could just unfollow and then you won’t see her notifications.
In your shoes I would try to ignore her – because it sounds as if her behaviour is desperate attention seeking, and get your husband to do what he should have done in the first place, go round there and sort it out.
I hope you enjoyed Problem Page Edition 18. You can find more dating advice from your online relationship coach in these posts:-