In problem page edition 19 of 2018 from your online relationship coach – when your wife’s friend lies and says you took advantage of her, when your ex kisses you on the forehead, when you confess your crush to your colleague and they ignore you and when you and your partner compete for your child’s affection when they’re upset.
If you would like any advice, just message me or add a comment at the end of this post and I will answer selected questions on this problem page.
Here are the questions for problem page edition 19.
Q: If your ex is constantly bringing you up and talking bad about you, does this mean they haven’t moved on completely?
A: What do you mean by ‘moved on’? Are you hoping that their bitching is a sign that they really want you back? If so, they have a funny way of showing it.
Surely you should be telling your ex to grow up and stop the negative talk. I would tell them that it is making them look bitter, resentful and immature.
I’m not sure how you know this is happening – it sounds as if your friends are stirring things.
If that’s the case you also need to tell them that you’ve moved on, you don’t want to hear it and they need to get a life too.
Q: Why would my wife’s friend lie and say that I took the advantage of her?
A: Either she hates you, or she hates your wife.
Are you quite sure there is absolutely nothing to this? An innocent flirtation gone wrong – did she misread the signs?
This has the potential to cause trouble to your marriage and in your shoes I would be having some very frank conversations with your wife to put forward your side of the story before this gets messy.
If this woman is a liar than the best solution is for both you and your wife to remove her from your social circle as soon as possible.
I don’t see how your wife can remain friends with her if she is making a false accusation about her husband.
Q: What does it mean when your ex kisses you on the forehead?
A: It’s the way a parent will often kiss a child and in this case he is trying to avoid intimacy. It’s also a little bit patronising.
Your ex may still feel some affection for you but I don’t see if rekindling of the relationship if that is what you are hoping for.
You don’t say whether you welcome the gesture but if not, just tell him you’d prefer to keep things platonic – and no kissing.
Q: Is it normal to sometimes have trouble hearing people whispering? When a friend whispers to me in class I sometimes can’t hear it. Is it because they’re going too low or is it me?
A: If there is a lot of background noise, it’s pretty normal to have trouble hearing. Similarly if the person is a distance away from you rather than up close then it could be tricky to hear them.
The more important question is whether you have noticed a decrease in your ability to hear generally. Do you struggle to hear the consonants at the beginning of words? Do you have your music and the TV up really loud?
Are you doing anything that could be damaging your hearing? Going to gigs and discos without ear protection? Working with loud machinery? Wearing headphones with the volume loud, playing your car stereo so it booms?
Could you have a build up of wax in your ears from sinus problems, a cold or swimming?
If you are worried go see your doctor who will examine your ears and refer you for a hearing test if one is needed.
Q: Is it unreasonable to ask my wife to take a back seat sometimes when I am tending to our son when he is upset? She makes a beeline to comfort him, that I feel undermines my attempts. She claims she prioritises our son’s feelings above ours.
A: Do you mean “why doesn’t my wife step back when I am trying to discipline our son” or are you talking about a competition between the two of you to comfort him?
There’s a big difference.
My son is 8 and my husband’s approach to parenting often differs to mine in that he takes a tougher stance. As a mother, it is completely natural to want to rush in and offer comfort but sometimes I know I need to step back so that my son can hear the message from a male point of view.
I think the two of you need to discuss this and, if it is really to do with discipline, discuss a joint approach. If you’re both competing for his attention he’s going to find it unsettling and confusing – and that’s not very fair.
If you are feeling pushed out then take the initiative to create special bonding time with your son just the two of you. The time you spend with him when he is not upset will pay great dividends in helping you better cope when he is upset.
Q: I walked up to this girl who I am not very close with. We talk sometimes on Snapchat and that’s it. I walked up to her and started a conversation but while talking to her, she kept on looking at her phone. Does this mean she is not interested?
A: She’s either not interested, very shy or just plain rude. It doesn’t sound as if she’s terribly interested so I wouldn’t waste any more time chasing her. If she is interested, let her take the initiative and message YOU.
Q: Why is my female colleague awkward with me at the office after I revealed my crush on her at a night out and we walked around holding each other and there was some spark? How do I get out of the mutual ignoring and awkwardness?
A: She either doesn’t want the whole office knowing her business or she is already in a relationship with someone else – which would make the situation even more embarrassing if everyone else knows that.
It doesn’t seem as if she wants your relationship to progress because, if she did, she would be prepared to weather any office gossip.
I think your best approach is to pretty the whole thing was a bit of fun and completely innocent and carry on as if it never happened.
I hope you enjoyed Problem Page Edition 19. You can find more dating advice from your online relationship coach in these posts:-