One of the most distressing problems that come with old age is losing your independence. For those that are in their senior years, it’s difficult when life gets a bit too much to handle. Perhaps you have elderly parents who are now less mobile.

It’s hard to acknowledge that those sprightly figures that taught you how to ride your bicycle without stabilisers may now be a little rocky on their path. How do you know it’s your turn to look after your parents?

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Signs that it’s time for you to look after your parents

A Change In Mood 

Old-age can be a big downer as aches and pains kick in, and nap times become more frequent. Perhaps their flexibility has now depleted. Their energy levels may be waning and you find they’re sleeping more.

These old-age signs are perfectly normal, but if their mood also starts to change, it may be a warning sign. They might become reclusive. Or they may seem more grumpy every day. If their mood is low, they may be feeling isolated, lonely or worthless.

Try and boost their mood by inviting them for regular dinners and including them in activities with the children. Suggest new hobbies such as chess or tai chi. Make sure they are eating healthily and taking low impact exercise classes if they can.

Losing Their Appetite

If you notice that your elderly relatives have lost their appetite, this can be a warning sign of underlying health problems. Our appetite does reduce as we reach old age, but if there are worrying signs, consider something may be wrong. There could be dental issues or indigestion problems. It may be down to the fact that they have lost the motivation to cook. Or perhaps they just don’t have the energy to do so anymore.

Falling Over & Vision Loss

Life expectancy has increased, and we are living longer. But elderly people are still affected by arthritis and osteoporosis. As bones become weaker, falls are more likely. If you have a parent that lives alone, you may be worried about falls. Bones break more easily the older we get, and the knock-on effects of this can be dangerous to those in senior life.

Macular degeneration is a common problem for those in later life. It can cause blurry vision and the inability to recognise faces. It can be a terrifying time for your parents.

Bone density loss and eyesight should be checked regularly. Earlier this year I wrote a post about my elderly Mum and on waiting for an ambulance. It was a frightening time and one that warrants thinking more about the care of our elderly parents.

Memory Loss

One of the scariest parts of getting older is the worry that you may lose your memory. We all forget things from time-to-time, even names of family members, or why we walked into a room. But if your parents are forgetting recent events, or are not thinking clearly, it’s another worrying sign. By 2025 it is estimated that there will be 1 million people with dementia in the UK, and it’s a progressive disease. If you are worried about a parent, make an appointment at the doctors straight away.

Decrease In Personal Care 

If you are noticing that your parents aren’t taking care of their personal hygiene or the way they keep their home, it’s a red flag. It could be a sign that they need more help than they want to ask for. Their health may be ailing, and they may not have the energy or confidence to take care of the house anymore.

Check the kitchen and bathroom for signs of lack of care. As distressing as it is it may be time to consider moving your parents/parent into your home. And if that is not possible, or if you have a fight on your hands, it could be time to consider a 24 hr Live In Care Agency.

Care agencies specialise in helping the elderly to have a rewarding life in their home, safe in the knowledge that care is on hand day and night.

We are all scared of getting older, losing our mobility and losing our independence. When our lives are so busy, sometimes we forget what is happening to others. But there are ways to keep elderly parents feeling wanted and respected. You just need to make sure you are aware of impending problems and find solutions that work for everyone.

We all know how important it is for the quality of health and social care to be monitored at all times.

So today we’re going to look at what the Care Quality Commission (CQC) does in England, and how they’re an essential source of information for anyone deciding which care homes to approach. Note: in Wales the relevant body is the Care and Social Services Inspectorate.

In an earlier post, we looked at ‘How To Talk To Ageing Parents About Retirement Living & Care’, so here we’re going to look a little further in-depth regarding how to source information.

A good point here before we get started, is that it’s ideal if you can do this type of research together with the person who is considering moving. Although this may not always be possible, if it is, it’s a good way to help develop further trust with your family member.

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Helping you decide

The Care Quality Commission provide us with an independent service, that has easily accessible information on health and social care groups across England.

They provide an essential transparency when it comes to the standard of care being provided, and most importantly: their findings are always published.

From here you can view and download the entirety of their inspector’s report, and or just review how the service has rated across five main categories which are:

Safety
Effectiveness
Care
Responsiveness
Service leadership

These categories are then rated on four levels – “outstanding”, “good”, “requires improvement” and inadequate. There is also a fifth ‘no rating/under appeal/rating suspended’ level, if the inspection is under review.

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Informative and honest

The regulator covers a wide range of care homes, from those that have been running for many years, to those who are more recently established, like Porthaven, who have been providing care since 2010.

In cases like this, the care home group work together with the Care Quality Commission, even providing details on the accountable people from the inspections, so it’s easy to reference names and possible contacts.

In touch with NHS practices

Another important part of what the CQC does is link their inspections with current trends in NHS trusts.

Their 2016 report on these services, called: Learning, candour, and accountability, provides an excellent insight into how thorough their approach is when it comes to relaying objective, and unbiased reports.

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Face to face advice

If you’re considering any type of health care, there can often be many questions that you’d rather just ask in person. However, many of us are familiar with how this can be easier said than done.

The CQC understands this well, and provides an extensive list of local groups that you can get in touch with, as well as the further option to join their online community, depending on which ways you find it most convenient to communicate.

So the good news is that it’s now easy to source a range of information on a care home, from the service themselves, as well as the people who inspect their work.

This can help to create peace of mind when it comes to making important decisions with your loved ones, and getting the most balanced point of view.

A new initiative has been launched across three local authority areas in Scotland to protect residents living with dementia from predatory financial fraudsters.

And, if the project succeeds, we can only hope that it is rolled out across the UK to protect the elderly and people with Dementia from the ever growing blight of financial scamming.

£405,000 has been awarded to East Renfrewshire, Angus and South Ayrshire local authorities, to work together to develop a preventative approach to protect people with dementia from financial exploitation.

People living with dementia are at great risk of falling prey to scammers and carers are often very worried about how to prevent their relative becoming a victim of a scam, particularly in the early stages of dementia when a person still has capacity but may not always have sufficient understanding to exercise good judgement.

Figures issued by Citizen’s Advice in 2014 showed that the most common type of scam takes place via telephone (34%) whilst almost a quarter took place on the internet (24%). 16% came through letters and one in ten scams were via email. Other types of scam include face-to-face visits, i.e. doorstep crime.

The aim of the project is to offer people with dementia an individualised, person-centred package to safeguard them from financial exploitation, on the doorstep, by telephone, by mail or online.

Each of the local authority areas involved will bring together local and national organisations to develop and deliver a package of preventive measures, including practical solutions and various types of useful technology, for example, call blockers.

Call blockers screen incoming phone calls and either block any unknown or unauthorised numbers or transfer them to a nominated family member or guardian.

The scheme aims to help residents with dementia live safely and independently in their own homes without worrying about being bombarded with confusing and intimidating calls or unsolicited doorstep cold callers.

This new initiative will also reduce the rate of financial loss and personal harm experienced as a result of scams.

Peter, whose mother received a call blocker as a resident in East Renfrewshire said, “When my mother came home after a stay in hospital, she had severe anxiety levels. Unfortunately, during the day when we weren’t there, she received numerous calls on a daily basis, from a variety of traders, from PPI people, from insurance companies and from banks. She became confused and anxious. She didn’t know whether she had passed over money and we were terrified that she was going to pass on large amounts of money to potentially rogue traders.

“What transformed things for us was the introduction of the Call Blocker from the prevention team from East Renfrewshire Council. I cannot overstate the dramatic difference this made to my mother. She was calm and she was relaxed. This has resulted in my mother being able to live independently, on her own, for the last four years.

“It has also transformed myself and my sister’s lives. Rather than having to deal on a daily basis with a crisis, we now have no crisis to deal with. We can track who is calling my mother, and where there is legitimate people calling, they have the option of whether to call myself or my sister. Quite frankly, my mother’s happy, we’re delighted and we can support her in putting her energies into making her life as pleasant as possible.”

Something we would all want for our elderly relatives. Here’s hoping the scheme puts pay to the callous and heartless scammers who target them.

I’ve written a lot lately about how best to care for our loved ones in their later years. We all know that old age brings with it great wisdom and experience, but it can also encroach on people’s much valued independence.

I’ve come across these great tips from Betterlife from LloydsPharmacy Independent Living Expert, Michael Sandland, who has some great advice about how best to help your loved ones remain independent in their senior years.

Encourage older people to stay socially connected

As social beings, it’s important to stay socially engaged to help avoid isolation, and this rings especially true for those in their advanced years. Building and maintaining relationships is important for mental wellbeing and has also been shown to aid physical wellbeing.

There’s some easy ways to encourage older people to stay social. For example, introducing a hobby such as yoga is a sociable way to stay fit or keeping in touch via FaceTime is more interesting than a simple phone call. Attending classes means your loved one will quickly make friends and have a routine social engagement. Alternatively, volunteering in local charity shops can be a great way for relatives to socialise with people from all walks of life.

Getting out and about for everyday tasks

Whilst internet shopping can put your mind at ease when considering older relatives during the cold and icy winter months, wherever possible it’s best to encourage your loved ones to get out and about. Popping to the shops for a pint of milk, going on the hunt for a family birthday present or dropping into the bank, going to the shops is an important part of staying active. Completing such tasks can be a challenge for those who struggle with mobility so it can be a good idea to recommend a mobility scooter. These can be a good solution to reduce strain and ensure users get to their destination comfortably. Check out the full range here: http://www.betterlifehealthcare.com/browse/mobility-scooters/

Support your elders in adapting their home 

As people grow older their home needs to adapt to ensure it remains safe and accessible. Indeed, one thing you will often hear older people say is that they don’t want to move into a care home and independence can be prolonged with clever technology and living solutions. For example, specialised adjustable beds, jar openers and big button telephones can do wonders for keeping people independent in their own home. Try visiting the Betterlife website for at home living solutions: http://www.betterlifehealthcare.com/

Staying fit and keeping minds active

Physical and mental agility is crucial to staying independent and there’s lots of ways to keep the mind and body fit as older people age. Whether it’s a daily Sudoku or watching Countdown with your loved ones, all these mind gym activities help to keep the brain sharp. Exercise classes for older people can be found at most town halls or local gyms to stay active.

Be mindful when offering support 

Providing assistance for older people comes naturally to carers but it’s important to frame the offer in the right way. Whether it’s helping older people navigate the internet or offering support with physical tasks, there are lots of ways you can make a difference to someone’s life. However it can be tough for elderly people to accept help after years of independence. When offering assistance avoid dictating and frame the support in a positive way. For example, if you are concerned about an elderly relative driving a car, maybe suggest they invest in a mobility scooter which is road legal. This will ensure they keep their independence and remain safe.

Caring for elderly relatives isn’t always easy and I recently wrote about the challenges of caring for your elderly parents while they still live at home. Just recently this has become a little more important to us due to the fact that Mum has had rather a patchy year of it so far, health-wise.

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My parents are in their late 70s and still fully mobile and I have to say that I would far prefer to look after them at home for as long as possible before considering residential care.

But I am increasingly aware that, for them to live at home in comfort and safety, we will eventually have to make some changes to their house.

It’s amazing what you have to think of when it comes to avoiding accidents – for example, my parents have had to swop to a cool wall toaster in case Mum touches it when she is unwell.  (She suffers from Temporal Lobe Epilepsy).

Then there are things like installing a handrail alongside the steps which lead down to their house and another to help them to walk down their sloping drive which is treacherous in icy weather.

Eventually, we may have to consider adapting their bathroom to include a walk-in bath or shower when Dad is no longer able to lift Mum or creating a wet room.

I’m sure many of you will identify with the difficult line we have to tread between offering advice and help and being seen to ‘take over’ or dent our elderly relatives’ pride.

It has taken Dad a while to be able to openly admit that having help sometimes is nice and he is much better at asking for help and sharing his worries with my sister Sarah and I.

But I find I often sound like I am nagging these days if I ask if they’ve had the heating on (the house is often like an igloo) or whether they are eating enough.

Caring for elderly relatives at home – what you can do to help

One of the things I am able to do is to invite them around to ours (we live literally a 10-minute walk away) for lunch to feed them up.

I think it is really important to maintain regular contact with your elderly relatives.  I find it heartbreaking when I read of old people who are in residential care yet receive no visitors. Their loneliness must be terrible.

My lovely mum

There are things we can do to help out – as long as we offer this help as tactfully as possible and gauge whether we are hurting feelings.  It’s all about open and honest communication.

Here are some suggestions you could do if, like me, you’re in that delicate position of recognising that a bit more help is needed, whilst not wanting to tread on toes.

I am, however, in the lucky position of living close by and with both parents currently able to look after one another.

For example:-

– invite them for meals

– batch cook at home (soups, stews, pasta dishes) and pop a few portions round in airtight containers to put in their freezer

– buy larger amounts of fruit and veg and let them have the surplus (very easy if you are a member of a cash and carry, such as Costco)

– offer to drive them to town once a week or to their supermarket to do the weekly shop

– carry out simple gardening tasks (hedge trimming, weeding, planting some perennials or herbs in pots).

– arrange for the laundering of big items such as blankets or duvets or take items to the dry cleaners

– wash the windows

– clean the house, even if it’s just whizzing around with a vacuum.

– do their ironing

This is all basic stuff and I’m sure you will have many ideas of your own. The tricky part might be getting your elderly relatives to agree to let you help out with some of these!

If you live far away from your parents or elderly relatives, you may be relying on a paid carer or assistance from Social Services and your hands may well be tied in terms of what you can do to help – in which case an honest conversation with your elderly relatives might be the best way to see whether they are coping.

There is always something that can be done to help with the added bonus that knowing our elderly relatives are being looked after and their stress minimised makes both their and our lives, just that little bit less stressful.

After all, I don’t know about you but caring for elderly relatives at home if you can seems to be far preferable to residential care.

Caring for elderly parents at home can be a challenge and a difficult balancing act between ensuring they are comfortable and well cared for while helping them to maintain their independence. It’s only natural that they want to stay in the home they love, surrounded by all the things that have become so familiar to them over the years.

Sometimes though, there comes a point where more frequent medical care is needed and, if your parents are to stay at home, adaptations inside the building will be needed as well as a change to everybody’s daily routine. The only thing you can do is respect their decision to stay put and try and care for them as effectively as possible.

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Doing that while you live in a separate house is never easy. In fact, it is a difficult process full of stress and jangled nerves. It can really test the relationship between siblings too, particularly if you are the nearest one and the one who is usually left to sort out medical emergencies and home care.

How to make caring for elderly parents at home easier

Modify Their House

One thing you should strongly suggest is that their house is modified to meet their physical needs. This may be a compromise your parents may resist at first because it means admitting that they are no longer coping as well as they used to.

Tact and diplomacy are key but hopefully, they will see that a stairlift or an adapted bathroom will improve their quality of life and reduce the risk of injury. When you visit sites like www.terrylifts.co.uk, you can get an idea of the options open to you depending on the type of home your parents live in. There are all sorts of lifts and platforms for adapted homes, some of which may well be in your budget.

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Regular Visits 

Even with these home adaptations, there is still the risk of a trip or a fall – particularly in bad weather and icy conditions. Checking up on your parents more frequently will be needed to ensure that everything is fine.  If your parents are anything like mine (both of whom are almost 80), they may well ‘forget’ to tell you about any minor accidents because they don’t want to worry you.  Unfortunately, that really doesn’t help you or them!

If you visit them on a regular basis, you will be there for them when they need you the most. Plus, you can take the strain off their shoulders and make their everyday life easier. For example, you can bring them their groceries so that they don’t have to leave the house. Little things like that reduce the need for them to take risks which lead to injury.

Split Duties 

Still, you can’t do everything on your own because you are only one person. And, you have a family and a life to live too. If you have siblings who live nearby, you need to make sure that they pull their weight when it comes to caring for your parents. It’s more difficult if they live miles away and, as I mentioned, open and honest communication will be needed so that everyone is included in any decision making and everyone can share the responsibility of caring for your parents.

Local family members could create plans so that they have every day covered. For example, you can see them on Mondays and Wednesdays, and your siblings split the rest of the week.

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Hire A Carer

Sometimes, caring for your parents is too much even with the help of the whole family. After all, your family doesn’t slow down just because your mum and dad are getting on a bit.

Chat with your doctor and your local social services department for advice.  Age UK is also a fantastic source of advice, particularly when it comes to things like the carer’s allowance.  If you are caring for your parents yourself, you may be entitled to this government benefit if you are looking after them for more than 35 hours per week.

You may also want to consider hiring a carer, a trained professional who will visit your parents’ home on a regular basis. This link will provide you with more information www.agingcare.com. A good caregiver will make everyone’s life much easier. If you are worried about the money, you can get a grant or a government loan to subsidise the cost.

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Move In With Them 

If things get worse and your parents are struggling to live independently and you still don’t want to consider a care home, then you may either need to move in with them or have them move in with you. Of course, this is only a viable option if your, or your parents’ house is big enough.

The kids might not like it, and your partner might feel the same, but they will understand. I know that if need be, I would prefer to have my parents living in our family home rather than relocate to a care home and I would be happy to do the same for the husband’s parents.

This does all, of course, depend on the medical needs of your parents. Some medical conditions will need a level of medical care you may just not be qualified to give – whether professionally, physically or, to be honest, emotionally.

It’s a sensitive topic and the feelings and needs of everyone involved will need to be taken into account.

Create An Emergency Plan 

It’s sod’s law that accidents tend to happen when you aren’t around – and you just can’t be there for them all of the time. When accidents do happen, you need a plan of action.

Everyone needs to know their job and what they should do if possible. For example, you should tell your parents they need to ring an ambulance and then ring you straight away. Or, tell them to press the emergency button (see modify home) to alert the emergency services. A plan is vital because it can be the difference between life and death.

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Suggest They Consider Moving 

There may come a point where medical professionals or social services will have to get involved because your parents’ physical condition has deteriorated to the point where neither they nor you, can cope.

It isn’t an easy conversation to have but it may fall to you to gently suggest that a permanent relocation is needed. No one wants to force their parents into a decision, but you may need to be assertive. They need to know that caring for them while they are at home alone isn’t feasible anymore.

They need to understand that they need permanent help so that you can get them the care they deserve. This may not necessarily mean a care home. Sometimes, assisted living quarters are available which offer a mix of independence and around the clock care.

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Caring for elderly parents is never easy, but you have to do what is best for their health and, at the end of the day, for yours.

Moving your relative into a care home is never an easy decision to make. But sometimes there is no other option – particularly where ill-health is concerned. Here are the considerations that should be in the forefront of your mind if you are going through the process of choosing a care home.

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Things to think about when choosing a care home for your loved one

Staff

The staff members that work in a care home are the people who your relative will come into contact with each day. You will get a chance to meet them and see them in action when you visit a care home, and this will probably influence your decision massively.

No one wants to move their relative into a place that is staffed by people who are unhelpful or cruel. You should do research and read reports that often judge staffing performances on them. You want to make sure that you are not going to have any problems with the staff and their behaviour later on down the line.

Facilities

The facilities that are offered in the home are also very important. This is what most people focus on when they are looking for a place for their relative. It needs to have the right care and medical facilities that meet your relative’s specific health needs and requirements. And you should also ask to see the private living quarters where your relative will be living.

It’s not all about what’s on the inside though. Care home providers like H C Care Homes also focus on the outdoors. Elderly people like to be able to get out and spend time outside of the care home. So, it’s good to move them into somewhere with large green spaces.

Cost

Unfortunately, very few of us are able to simply move our relatives into the very best care homes. And that’s because the very best care homes come with a pretty large price tag attached to them. The costs are never cheap, and it’s up to you to weigh up the pros that the care home offers with the costs.

Of course, there are many cheaper options out there that still offer a high-quality service. It’s not always the case that the most expensive places have the happiest residents. You should make a shortlist of places and then compare the prices of them all. You probably won’t be able to afford them all, so compromise will be necessary.

Your Relative’s Preference

Obviously, all cases are different. But if your relative is in need of specialist care but is still able to take part in the decision-making process, they should have a say. It’s them that will be affected by the decision that is made, so it’s only fair that they have a say in the place where they will end up.

They should be with you every step of the way when you are weighing up all the options. They should meet staff members, view the facilities and do everything else mentioned above.

Before you even start to view the options, you should talk to them about what they want to get out of a care home. Then you can take it from there.

Sites like Paying For Care offer more information on care home costs.